Category: In Which We Mock Our In-Laws

Saturday is the big Dual Mother’s Day / Birthday Party for my mother-in-law. It should last six hours. Let’s place some bets. How many times will my mother-in-law mention my mother and how sad it is that I don’t have my mother on this Mother’s Day and how terribly I must be missing my mother…

E is for The Estate.The Estate remains unsettled. Wilma has noticed that every few days the phone rings and the caller won’t wait through the answering machine message. She’s convinced it is the rightful heirs harassing them. I told her John McCain was harassing them and it would stop in early November. A is for…

A search that led some lost Google soul here made me think of a tale from Gary’s childhood. Gary and his two sisters were under ten at the time. One day, they were playing in the yard with their black Labrador, Happy. Happy was in high dog spirits that day, and the kids were chasing…

All I know is we were putting gifts in piles on Christmas Eve. I was at the in-laws with the whole (Christmas-observing) crowd: Gary, Karen, Karen’s husband (Mr. Wonderful), Ken, Wilma, me. As I bent over my pile, there were footsteps behind me. The last thing I heard was Karen bossing her husband, demanding he…

Wilma and Ken saw A Christmas Story last year, hated it, said they were bored, turned it off. This year, Karen said ‘I hate that movie. It’s stupid.” (Karen also asked me not to remind her of anything embarrassing; if she’s forgotten catching me “naked” there’s a reason why.) Last year I clutched my head…

Previously seen on The Estate: Gary’s closeted Mormon uncle passes away with way too much money. The money goes to his wife, Gary’s aunt. Soon after, Gary’s aunt also dies. The money goes to Gary’s other aunt and Gary’s dad. But, you say, that was months ago! Months and months! Well, a few months ago,…

I met the newest addition to the in-law family this evening. She’s a little dachshund named Tinkerbell. Given that my in-laws are 82 and 78, I made a special effort to bond with what will be my dog someday. Tink, like all S_______ dogs, is a refugee from a dog shelter. Good for them, I…

Wilma and Ken have received eight condolence cards. Am I missing something? Really, should I be sending out condolence cards?

We got a lovely card from Gary’s Aunt Pat and Uncle Dick today. It was addressed to the both of us. I opened it up and found it was a sympathy card. No note, no explanation, just signed “Love, Pat and Dick.” “Did your parents die and no one told us?” I asked, “Or has…

You just can’t mock a funeral. I’ll be back later.