Easter ’08

E is for The Estate.
The Estate remains unsettled. Wilma has noticed that every few days the phone rings and the caller won’t wait through the answering machine message. She’s convinced it is the rightful heirs harassing them. I told her John McCain was harassing them and it would stop in early November.

A is for Arguing.
I walked in to a room and heard Gary proclaim, as fact, two errors about Mom. To wit, he said Mom is having cataract surgery on her smaller cataract. False. She got a second opinion and is now going to try a new glasses prescription. And he said she could miraculously use the hand that hasn’t worked for almost sixty years. All I can think of is he heard me say “Mom” and “hand” and he added the word “miraculous” just to please his mother, because she prays for my Mom a lot. So I was forced to correct him, and thus argued with him in front of his parents. So because it was Easter, I told him mom could play the piano again.

S is for the S_____’s house.
Wilma let it slip that they’ll be willing their house to the Church. I wanted to suggest they give it to the disinherited children, but I could not be heard over the screaming and complaining.

T is for Tinkerbell.
Tinkerbell the dachslut sticks her tongue into your mouth in an attempt to find food you may not have yet swallowed. Wilma had to put all the food in the refrigerator after she cooked it because she was sure Tinkerbell would sneak it off the stovetop. She had no other choice. The S_______s don’t shut dogs away in rooms by themselves, especially when they have been through the Rottweiler Trauma.

E is for Eating.
It is no wonder that I don’t cook for Gary any more. Every bite of food he put in his mouth was evaluated and critiqued. Ham (“Inedible! Awful! The top few slices were good, but the rest is just gristle!), Potato Salad (“Cold! Why did you serve it cold? It’s better at room temperature!”), Asparagus (“We prefer it stir-fried; it’s crunchier!”), and then Cherry Pie (Grunt. “More pie.”)

R is for Resurrection.
In a vain attempt to spark an Easter Miracle, Wilma responded to all complaints with, “It’s Easter! Jesus is risen! We should be happy, we shouldn’t complain!” Her children complained louder.