A search that led some lost Google soul here made me think of a tale from Gary’s childhood.
Gary and his two sisters were under ten at the time. One day, they were playing in the yard with their black Labrador, Happy. Happy was in high dog spirits that day, and the kids were chasing him around, playing.
Then suddenly, their screams turned to screams of horror. Karen began to cry. Gary ran in to tell his Mom that something was wrong with Happy’s “thing.”
Wilma came out to view the state of Happy’s penis, and found that it had a red protruding growth a third the length of the dog. Happy was still jumping about and kept jumping on the kids. “Eeeeeeeeeeee! He’s touching me with it! EEEeeeeeeeEEEE!”
“It looked like lipstick,” Wilma will say to this day. “I’d never seen anything like that. And the kids were screaming, and Ken was at work.”
So of course, Happy had to be driven to the vet and diagnosed. Just to express the level of hysteria, Wilma drove only rarely, and stopped driving soon after. But the dog was obviously really sick, and the kids were crying.
Happily, no biopsy was needed, and the dog was diagnosed with a penis.
That’s why I understand why someone Googled “Red + dog penis.” (And I am proud to have been one of the few R-rated results. X-rated dog sex is popular.) I can easily see myself doing the same thing. My experience of the erect penis is limited, but Gary’s doesn’t look like that. Dogs are so open about their erections, and they have them even if they’ve been neutered, so “Penis” wouldn’t have been my first guess either.
8 responses to “Sick Puppy”
That story takes me back to my childhood. Creepy days.
we call it The Red Rocket around here.
This is why I have always preferred to have bitches. Male dogs are just so icky.
I remember the first time I noticed my dog’s penis (I was maybe 5?) and I thought the same thing – lipstick. Weird.
Ah ha. My step-mom always called it lipstick and I think that plays a serious role in why I don’t ever wear lipstick.Also, if it makes you feel better regarding the whole sleeping on the left side debacle, I finally took some Aleve and besides the small ulcer I have, my head feels amazingly better. Perhaps it’s the combination of left side sleeping and Aleve that’s the key.
Solomon Broad – Oooo. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.Jenny – Didn’t the South Park kids play Red Rocket? That was probably oine of the grossest South Parks ever…Zayrina – They do pee more. Becs – Well, it’s the right color, its the right texture, it extrudes smoothly.Katie – Does Becs wear lipstick? That’s my question, now. Plus, Aleve is a god send.
That happened once with my dog when I was little. I think I was so mortified that I didn’t know what or why it was I didn’t speak of it. Until now.
Autumn – It’s time to break the cycle of silence. Now you can begin to heal.