Category: In Which We Mock Our In-Laws

I knew the kielbasa dinner would have Gary and his family monopolizing the in-laws’ bathroom, so I planted myself in the lesser-used master bathroom. “Hi, Jesus” I said to the shiny rosary hanging on the wall opposite me at eye level. He just stared back. I went about my business and avoided further eye contact…

Wilma was on the phone with Gary, discussing web privacy. I don’t know how they got onto this topic, but Wilma was horrified to hear that anyone can read your web email, for example. Gary,” she said, “I know Ellen’s on the ‘web’ all the time. You better tell her not to write anything personal…

My brother-in-law can booty-pop like Beyonce. If you apply for a job working with physicians and the ad says “Master’s Degree required,” don’t believe it, because, “You don’t need no Master’s degree to work with no doctors.” Be sure to say you are “working on” your Master’s degree. Kinoki Foot Pads are a great gift.…

I am truly not making fun of Mormons. Today. Certainly not when they are in the great beyond she doesn’t believe in non-Mormon underwear. So sad to see her all jaded in her eighties, though.

Gary’s Christmas-celebrating sister Karen has some cats she takes care of. You might call them feral cats. Or, you might call them domesticated cats Karen has caught roaming the neighborhood, taken to the vet, and sterilized. These cats, after their adoptions (or, again, their abductions), stay in Karen’s garage until they have recovered from surgery.…

We had quite the long day. We drove to Independence MO (by KC), then we watched the graduation of our half-Pakistani 24 year old nephew, we ate at a Japanese steakhouse, and drove back. Now I’m home watching a documentary on 9/11. I ask myself why our clearly South Asian nephew has recently taken to…

So, I wasn’t sure what to expect over Thanksgiving. The KC contingent (Sandy, Arzanna-fay and Arhan-fay) joined the Wonderfuls and the S_____s for the enormous turkey / dressing / cranberry / potato / pasta con broccoli / vegan tofurkey buffet. Afterward, while we were working through our various issues with flatulence (Sandy), eructation (Karen), diarrhea…

Gary reminded me that it is indeed my Birthday Month again. Start the 31 days of celebration! And lo, what arrived on the second day of the Birthday Month? Sock Zombie! Note the casual way my Sock Zombie reclines. “Hey, baby,” my zombie says, “Check out my tiny wooden skull earring.” Oh, and the photo…

After, what, twenty-something years Gary and I are starting to work on one of our most fundamental problems: our expectations about help. This after yet another morning in which Gary woke me by screaming “Wake UP! It’s 6:45!” (pause) “6:50, sweetie!” (pause) “Sweetie! It’s 6:55! WAKE UP!” This screaming is unsolicited, it is unappreciated, and…

Congrats to everyone who answered Seven! It was almost eight. As I left she said, “I hope you feel better soon.” “No, really I’m fine.” “That cold can last a while.” So, I couldn’t count that as Mom-generated sympathy. So, brownies baked in the Famous Edge Brownie Pan for: BecsLaisyDaisy Autumn Because seven is the…