Category: In Which We Mock Our Illness

I apologize for yet another entry in the Illness category, but it was destined to be a blog about health this week. In one five day stretch I scheduled two tests, one office visit, two vaccinations, and one procedure with one day of prep. On top of all that, the neurologist’s office called to tell…

I haven’t had a colonoscopy for years. I did have a luminous white angelic polyp at the last one. This time I had two: a benign white one “like a skin tag,” and a red one that was a “typical pre-cancerous polyp.” Yawn, typical potential cancer, nothing to see here. Taste of prep: It was…

I had another lovely visit with the neurologist, as always. Notable events: He measured my liver numbers, as he usually does, but I gave him an extra reminder because the GP’s office was particularly concerned. Turns out the liver is fine and simply didn’t like the statin for my cholesterol. The drug I take may…

Well, I’ve got this colonoscopy coming up in a week and a half and I considered which wig shall be my assigned colonoscopy wig. Then it occurred to me that there are probably rules for these things. Evidently there are. “Leave your wig at home.” Somehow I never considered that. I thought, at worst, a…

So there is free testosterone and bound testosterone (depending on if it is bound to protein). As reported earlier, the bound testosterone was fine, but Dr. ChatGPT says my free testosterone of “0.58 ng/dL … equates to 58 pg/mL [or] significantly elevated … roughly 20x the usual free testosterone level for a woman your age.”…

Me, Gynecologist. Good lord. Six years since my last visit to the crotch doctor. That was for the fasiculations in my pelvis. I forgot all about the pelvic banjo. That did go away. Certainly didn’t think that there would be a pelvic timpani four years later. Anyway, it was the most painful exam I have…

Gary, colonoscopy: Gary has had colonoscopies in 2013 (2 polyps) and 2018 (3 polyps). It has been seven years since his last one, and in that time it seems he has grown nine (9!) polyps. All were wee, except one. The big one looked benign, per the doctor. If true, this is great news. However,…

… and it would seem they did not appreciate it. My result came back positive. The numbers for a positive result break down favorably: 4% cancer, 45% just-kidding-it’s-not-cancer, and the rest polyps of varying concern. But seriously, a week after I said that I might rather get a colonoscopy, I’m now getting a colonoscopy. Just…

On to week two of the recurring series of doctor’s appointments. Speciality: Last week was the allergist, this week was the dermatologist. Why God why: Because the neurologist said to. Evidently the oral MS medications have dermotological side effects if you take them long enough. The assistant told me to disrobe, and I did. I…