Category: In Which We Mock Our Illness

I know it’s only a study with mice, but every MS breakthrough began with mice. I even think I recall there were mice bred to be born with the mouse version of MS, poor things. I hope they have bladder botox made available to them at no cost. MS drugs work to reduce the attacks,…

It appears AstraZeneca was trying a new way to treat autoimmune diseases like my MS, and the way they chose was to extract allllll the immune cells from a person’s body, find the ones that were defective, cull them, and then pump the good ones back in. A really effective way to accidentally kill someone…

The neurologist was particularly amusing this time. First off, the doctor wouldn’t shake hands with me because I have the Eye Cooties. I usually prefer not to shake hands anyway, but he had heard from the nurse who took my vitals that I had a new medication that was going to kill the mites that…

I knew I was in trouble when the ophthalmologist began reeling off a string of code numbers for the technician to transcribe. 5-D-8-inner. 8-D-2-mid. Then she turned to me and said, “Well, we’ve discussed your dry eyes before.” “Yes,” I said. I remember I was surprised, because I don’t feel like I have dry eyes,…

I knew a man once who had worked in a nursing home and he reported that aged people with MS really liked quiet corners and spending time alone. I imagine those people were down so many brain cells that the TV room at an old folks home would feel like Dave and Buster’s. I was…

I made preparations this time in advance of my bladder botox visit. I took Tylenol two hours before. I was early enough for the numbing agent to work. I drank sufficient water. I did these things because I had no idea the two bullets below were going to make this the best botox visit ever.

So I went to the neurologist’s office to work out exactly why I seem to be spinning up these false memories. I saw the physician’s assistant, who said one concerning thing. At one point well into it he said, “But you’re smiling and happy. You don’t look like you’re depressed.” My response, when I collected…

Recently I posted about a conversation I had that could not possibly have happened, and commented that “after this story went from the psych counselor to the psychiatrist, the neurologist wants to have me come in.” So I was all mentally prepared for my appointment this coming Friday. I was ready to have the neurologist’s…

The kidney stones may be coming for me. Recently my right kidney area hurt before bed and I woke up to some pink in my panties (she said, daintily). The physical urine sample showed no blood but did show some microscopic red blood cells. I went in for a retest three days later and the…

Look at this nonsense from my yearly physical! My physical report still says I have Class I Obesity! I mean, sure, my obesity is First Class (ONLY THE BEST OBESITY FOR MOI) but still. According to their own page it says the lowest BMI for First Class Obesity is 32. I’ve read other things that…