Category: In Which We Mock Our Illness

I had another lovely visit with the neurologist, as always. Notable events: It was quite nice. I haven’t heard from Mom-in-my-head for a year now.

Well, I’ve got this colonoscopy coming up in a week and a half and I considered which wig shall be my assigned colonoscopy wig. Then it occurred to me that there are probably rules for these things. Evidently there are. “Leave your wig at home.” Somehow I never considered that. I thought, at worst, a…

So there is free testosterone and bound testosterone (depending on if it is bound to protein). As reported earlier, the bound testosterone was fine, but Dr. ChatGPT says my free testosterone of “0.58 ng/dL … equates to 58 pg/mL [or] significantly elevated … roughly 20x the usual free testosterone level for a woman your age.”…

Me, Gynecologist. Good lord. Six years since my last visit to the crotch doctor. That was for the fasiculations in my pelvis. I forgot all about the pelvic banjo. That did go away. Certainly didn’t think that there would be a pelvic timpani four years later. Anyway, it was the most painful exam I have…

Gary, colonoscopy: Gary has had colonoscopies in 2013 (2 polyps) and 2018 (3 polyps). It has been seven years since his last one, and in that time it seems he has grown nine (9!) polyps. All were wee, except one. The big one looked benign, per the doctor. If true, this is great news. However,…

… and it would seem they did not appreciate it. My result came back positive. The numbers for a positive result break down favorably: 4% cancer, 45% just-kidding-it’s-not-cancer, and the rest polyps of varying concern. But seriously, a week after I said that I might rather get a colonoscopy, I’m now getting a colonoscopy. Just…

On to week two of the recurring series of doctor’s appointments. Speciality: Last week was the allergist, this week was the dermatologist. Why God why: Because the neurologist said to. Evidently the oral MS medications have dermotological side effects if you take them long enough. The assistant told me to disrobe, and I did. I…

I am lucky in that I’ve never even had polyps, even after three colonoscopies, so three years ago I got to opt for Cologuard at-home tests instead of being fully sedated, live and on-camera. The one at-home Cologuard exam I took in 2022 was a cakewalk. I see that I was all blasé about whether…

After I had that recent visitation of the colorless optic paperclip migraine, the neurologist recommended I go see an ophthalmologist. I put that off. Because really, what happened? My weird visual thing visited me again, just in black and white. The same thing happened with my weird green spinny thing I had for years. I…