Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

The new Caller ID announced, “SPAM RISK.” Gary said, “Spam spam spam spam, spam spam spam spam,” and then we sang the whole Monty Python song perfectly with the crescendo and all. Only, not. Prepare to have your mind blown. In response to his call of “spam,” etc., I sang, “spammity spam, spammity spam,” and…

I was on Facebook and posted a fun fact about sloths: they are constipated Gary commented: “Babe, you are my sweet sloth.” Awww. I responded with, “No, you’re MY sweet sloth.” Facebook complained, “Your Comment May Go Against Our Community Standards.”   Facebook? I can only guess “sweet sloth” must be some kind of far-right…

Well, just last Monday on our anniversary I heard about some special manly soap the Young People at Work love: a Dr. Squatch soap, and as it was our anniversary that very day I bought a sample of Manly Man-scented soap for Gary. Here is his review of the scents, as verbatim as possible. Pine…

Late in the day on our anniversary I asked Gary if he had truly forgotten, or if he was just waiting to see if I had forgotten. He was so immediately so wracked with guilt he bought me three pairs of gardening gloves. These come with claws on the left or right hand, so he…

I was under the impression that I had seen Sabrina starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, and an oddly blonde William Holden. I thought I had seen enough scenes piecemeal to put together the plot, and Gary thought he had as well, and evidently we had never seen a bit of this movie. I mean, what…

Flag day was yesterday. And, it was also our 35th wedding anniversary. The coral anniversary. Gary entirely forgot, which delights me. He had Facebook to remind him, and Alexa told him the exact date, but he never caught on. I don’t know why I love it when he forgets. It’s not just that I feel…

Gary has not embraced the car. Well, he has not embraced driving the car. He did drive it last Monday, but he was hesitant. He claims it’s because he knows every mile he drives takes up one percent of the battery. I see his point – I drive to Florissant and back and discover that…

So I saw this commercial for a “smart bed” that responds to snoring. At first I thought, so how does the bed respond to the snoring? Does it rattle you awake? Toss you off the side? Then I saw the head tilt graphic. So if someone snores because he has, let us say, sleep apnea,…

Maybe I have a little Joan Crawford in me, but I find this unacceptable: This mess is behind the monitor on Gary’s computer desk. Usually I steer clear of his little hoarder haven, but I needed a big monitor for a work task. I was finally able to find the monitor cable after I gave…