Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

The new all-electric Minis:

One thing about Gary: he doesn’t like to be told what to do. I know, no one likes to be told what to do, but Gary hates it so much he even resents road signs. We were in the car together for the first time in months, and he encountered two road signs he felt…

Remember Gary’s Easter preparations in years past? Remember 2012? Or even 2007? Not so much anymore. I didn’t even recognize this years paltry patch of mummified bunnies. Three bunnies! Bubble-wrapped and tucked in the fridge. (Minutes later – ah, I see on Amazon he bought three more.)

So, Gary’s gone from using his Oxygen ring monitor to test the efficacy if different sleeping positions to simply sticking in denial gear. He’s landed on: “One of the three summaries it gives shows I’m in the green zone. No problem.” So I offered myself up as a control. I could wear the ring to…

Gary’s been creeping toward getting a C-Pap to deal with his sleep issues. So far, after being told be probably has sleep apnea, he has purchased an Oxygen ring monitor and found that yes, his oxygen does dip under 90 up to 40 times a night. Since then he has gone through these stages of…

What does a man who has everything … like hoarder-levels of everything … what does he long for? Evidently it is a more difficult shaving experience. He came in to see what I thought of replacing his Bic razors with this contraption. I responded, “Happy birthday!” because birthday month rules apply. I also agreed because…

Ah, March is back, the month in which Gary has his birthday, and as it is his birthday month he gets everything he wants with no argument. I’m already doing everything except feed the raccoons and hit the Start button on the dishwasher. He has started a new thing, where he asks me to get…

I am generally cranky when Gary wakes me up, which he did right before midnight. He barged into my room, which is my room because I was thrown out of the marital bed for keeping him awake with my “energy,” and said, “Well I’ve got mine.” “Got your what? Why are you waking me –“…

I made a mistake this past Thursday. I left the guest room door open when I was in a Zoom meeting, and Gary came home and poked his head in. I gave him a barely perceptible nod, because I was paying attention to my meeting, and I am a professional. He began a sinuous dance.…

Skipping Thanksgiving and Christmas was vital for getting through the holidays. Evidently it worked so well that we are also skipping the observation of the Feast of Saint Valentine. It’s interesting to me how Gary’s expression of love have changed so much of late. Gone are the days of 21 gifts for my 21st birthday.…