Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

  • Frog

    For the last few weeks there has been a frog on the glass on our back door. We thought he just liked watching us. I was admiring the frog when I noticed he would move – just a bit – just a little twitch every so often. Turned out there were an apocalyptic number of…

  • Gary and the Flies

    Gary’s bathroom, the master bathroom, is plagued every summer with tiny little flies. Last week Gary came out of his bathroom, found me in the kitchen, and said he’d had a revelation. He saw a moth in the bathroom, and squished it, then wondered what in earth a moth was doing in there. There is…

  • Spatchcocked Chicken

    I have a copy of Salt Fat Acid Heat, and all I have ever made from it is the Spatchcocked Chicken. So, foodie friends, when you spatchcock a chicken, does your spouse or partner do an impression of a spatchcocked chicken? Gary’s impression has him holding out his arms (ala crucified spatchcocked chicken) and doing…

  • Overbought

    Overbought

    I personally don’t like to eat the same thing two days in a row, but Gary delights in it. Given that Mr. S___ will eat no meat, and his wife will eat no carbs, we share no meals. I’m back to cooking home meals for myself on the weekends while he assembles ornate salads for…

  • Apologies Robert Browning

    Grow old along with me? The worst is yet to be The aches and pains from which the quarrels are made; Our bile grows worse each year We pass the pain to those held dear, Once wife, now nurse, with thinning sympathy. ==== Gary doesn’t deal well with illness. Sympathy doesn’t make him feel better,…

  • Salad

    Gary speaks well when you get him going. Bring up Trump, he can rattle on in pentameter for an hour without pausing for breath. In fact, he did that last night, not quite for an hour but for at least twenty minutes, when I interrupted him to ask, “Did you eat anything today?” Indignant. “You…

  • Gary Drives

    Gary Drives

    Gary had not yet embraced the Mini, so Friday afternoon I took him down quiet country roads and busy city streets to a spot ten miles away so he could drive back, only, per Gary, “I am not taking the Mini on this dusty podunk two-lane country road” and “I am not taking the Mini…

  • Review: The Heiress

    I campaigned enthusiastically to watch this movie with Gary as part of his effort to find a movie his mom will like. I had fond yet vague memories of loving it, particularly the ending when – well – I didn’t quite remember. [spoilers, with additional spoilers for scenes that exist only in Gary’s imagination] So,…

  • Glad We Have the Pet Model of Roomba

    Glad We Have the Pet Model of Roomba

    Evidently I only clean on national holidays. This is Gary’s hair loss since Memorial Day: The bin was completely jammed full. I have no idea why I didn’t get the “Please remove and clean Roomba’s brushes” message. Perhaps it sensed that my Pet paid for the Roomba.

  • Gary Needs to Have his Facebook Card Revoked

    So this happened Saturday June 26th. The stubbornness. The dogged insistence. But, maybe he could claim he was late because Texas was late? I don’t know. I also don’t know if he will delete the post, or if he will wish us all a happy belated Juneteenth. ==================== Update: he claims that the northern areas…