Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

You may recall Gary gave me this box to appreciate earlier this week. Yesterday he came by and complained I had set the box down and now I could not admire the box fully unless I was standing up. Today he pointed out the man’s navel. “THAT MODEL HAS A BAD NAVEL. MY NAVEL IS…

Tiny steps are being taken in the domestic peace talks. For example, I watched his tiresome movie last night. In response, this morning he gave me this empty underwear box.

Sometimes Gary wants to watch a movie so much that he becomes unreasonably attached to it and feels personally insulted if you do not embrace it as well. The most recent example is a heist/chase/relationship movie called Crime 101. It is so long we had to watch it in stages. There’s an hour left and…

Gary is determined to stay put in his current misery. Not interested in an appointment with the dermatologist because it’s the same dermatologist he spoke with last year. I spent some time last weekend wondering how he’d react if I moved out. Not forever. Just like a month. Or until he consents to see the…

Our twenty-year-old washer works fine. Our twenty-year-old dryer works fine. They don’t work perfectly: the washer makes noise and the dryer will not dry if you have a towel in it. Gary has decided we need a new washer and a new dryer. He did the research, analyzed, measured, compared, asked me if I wanted…

A Vignette. I had a lovely time watching Bugonia with Gary. Afterward, he said: ”Emma Stone lost a lot of weight for that movie.” I said, “Really? She looks the same as always.” ”Oh no. When she went to the award shows people were shocked at how thin she was.” Then, contemptuously, “Can’t you tell?”…

Seventy-two years old, and forty years married. I’ve always thought year four was the worst year of marriage. Is year forty ten times worse? Kinda. Yeah, kinda is. I’ve always known that one of our hurdles is how we deal with illness. He’s a baby, expects to be spoiled; I was raised by stoics, expect…

I was waiting for the Superbowl to begin, scrolling past old breaking news videos, as is my wont lately, and Gary came in and said, “Look at this breaking news from Branson, Missouri.” It was terrible. A landslide took out like five houses. “That’s awful,” I said. “But it’s Branson,” he answered. “Gary …are you…

Last Wednesday, the day I had the unexpected visit to the eye doctor, Gary had an issue with our new pharmacy refusing to fill his B-12 prescription. This led to an unfortunate conversation in which Gary almost simultaneously said both “STOP BEING A BABY ABOUT YOUR EYE” and “MOMMY TAKE CARE OF MY B-TWELF PWOBLEM…

Gary was looking at the news article about the astronaut team that will need to return to earth early because one of them is having medical issues. I wondered which one it was, Gary looked at me in disbelief, and said sarcastically, “I DON’T KNOW BUT DO YOU THINK MAYBE IT’S THE FAT ONE?” Gary,…