Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

“YOU HAVE TO COME ALONG TO HELP ME BUY A NEW MATTRESS,” Gary said. I was surprised to hear this. Gary has been compiling mattress data for over a year now. If you recall from the Honda Fit and the Chevy Bolt, he spends such time researching that technology becomes obsolete before he’s made a…

He said he missed the blueberries, so purple chicken is back on the menu.  

I really did have an entry in TWIL all queued up that was not even remotely scandalous, regarding the etymology of “catty-corner”, but then Gary walked into my room and announced: “I JUST LEARNED WHAT CHICKEN TENDERLOINS ARE.” “What are they?” “IT’S WHAT THEY AREN’T. THEY AREN’T CHICKEN BREASTS AT ALL. THEY’RE MORE DELICATE. THEY’RE…

A new and mildly concerning wrinkle has developed with the weight loss drugs. The appetite suppressant feature is really working. I have so little interest in food lately that I wake up and then eat nothing until (let’s check the time) three in the afternoon. I lost my inclination to cook and chop, of course,…

“YOU HAVE NEVER COOKED FOOD FOR ME NEVER.” I was surprised to hear Gary make this claim this morning, but I was on my way to work, and he was moaning how long it takes him to make his special blueberry chicken. I had just offered to cook it for him, which provoked the remark…

So, apropos of nothing, I was talking to Gary about animal experimentation. “OH THAT’S NOTHING YOU CAN BRING FROGS BACK TO LIFE LIKE THAT” (Snaps fingers.) “Really?” “OH WE DID THAT ALL THE TIME IN BIOLOGY LAB. AND ORGANS; YOU JUST FLOAT AN ORGAN IN RINGER SOLUTION, WHICH IS BLOOD PLUS SUGAR, AND IT’LL STAY…

(Apologies to my subscribers who got an early outline of this. Note to WordPress: the dark blue Publish button dwarfs the light blue Save Draft button.) Gary did research on easily tolerable foods and came back from the grocery store with this haul: Vegetables, pears, yams, squash, cucumber, Brussels sprouts, blueberries, baby beets … all…

I am not well. I feel like I have the Speed flu again. (Oddly, that links to the first post I made in 2005, when I had a fever and decided to make a blog. Earlier posts were just old emails to friends. Just shy of twenty years ago.) As was in the post above,…

Gary has been feeling more like himself the last two months. As opposed to the last two years, during which I barely recognized him. He has been playing his drums for five minutes at a time, making jokes, and actually finished a truly hideous yard project he’s been promising for years. He’s also bringing toys…

Gary: “LAST NIGHT I WAS LOOKING OUT THE BACK DOOR AND A RACCOON STARTED CLIMBING UP ON THE OTHER SIDE AND IT GOT ALMOST ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP AND IT LOOKED AT ME AND CAME BACK DOWN.” I needed to see if he’d been hallucinating (or if alternatively, a Mission Impossible Raccoon had…