Seventy-two years old, and forty years married. I’ve always thought year four was the worst year of marriage. Is year forty ten times worse? Kinda. Yeah, kinda is.
I’ve always known that one of our hurdles is how we deal with illness. He’s a baby, expects to be spoiled; I was raised by stoics, expect to be quarantined.
He has accepted that this really bad skin condition is going to be with him for life. He’s trying to be stoic, but while he’s accepted the resignation part of stoicism, he hasn’t adopted the SHUT UP ABOUT IT aspect of stoicism. So he’s in a holding pattern of: “There’s nothing the doctors can do, I must accept my fate and be brave and uncomplaining. But only in front of doctors. To my wife I must talk about nothing but my suffering.”
On the other hand, for a sick guy, wow, he’s turned into a workhorse. Yesterday he dropped things off at the recycling center, bought bird food, vacuumed, got the groceries, and cooked his weird stew of squash and chicken. (The blueberries are gone because they triggered the rash, as did everything eventually but the squash and the chicken.)
So, it’s a little maddening to hear him complain that only he can fix this problem that he claims is unfixable. I know normal lies between the two extremes of stoic and spoiled. Maybe he’ll settle there someday.
2 responses to “The state of Gary on this, the day of his birth”
Glad to find you again.
When it comes to being sick in our household, my husband is the stoic and I am the one in need of attention. I too am trying to be more stoic by not complaining TOO MUCH about my dental work, a procedure which is apparently routine for everyone except for me. As you can see, I am not succeeding well. I will be drinking more hot tea, and complain into my tea cup.
Now I am off to hear a former neo-Nazi speak about how he turned himself around. That’s where we are these days. I’m trying to believe there is hope for every single one of us.
CHM – how did the neo-Nazi do it?