A Vignette.
I had a lovely time watching Bugonia with Gary. Afterward, he said:
”Emma Stone lost a lot of weight for that movie.”
I said, “Really? She looks the same as always.”
”Oh no. When she went to the award shows people were shocked at how thin she was.” Then, contemptuously, “Can’t you tell?”
I said, “Really, I don’t see it.”
Gary then clutched his head, doubled over, and said loudly, “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ARGUE? STOP DISAGREEING WITH ME.”
So. What makes an argument? I think that if I give an opinion in response that isn’t an argument. If I debated with a fact that might be an argument. Gary says I seemed dismissive of his views.
So, I think this is an argument:
Gary: ”Emma Stone lost a lot of weight for that movie.”
Me: ”YOU LIE!” or “Prove it” or “Are you saying I’m fat?”
That’s an argument. All I said was my eyes didn’t see what his eyes saw. How is that arguing?
I wonder how many “arguments” he has going in behind the scenes, on Facebook, with the neighbors, that I don’t know about. What’s up with him? Why does he need me to be blindly on his side?
This is an easy fix, of course. Just a day or so of saying the sun is the moon, in faith, it is the blessed moon, but it’s … wearing.
2 responses to “What qualifies as an argument”
This is triggering to me. That is not an argument, it is the expression of an opinion! But arguments are ok too. People are allowed to disagree on things. I think what people usually object to is not an argument in good faith about differing opinions but being argumentative for the purpose of arguing. Which would be more akin to a response like “why would you say something like that?!” or “you shouldn’t be objectifying her” or “you’re just saying that because you’re a slave to the patriarchy” or “why are you looking at other women’s bodies?”.
AH – I am sorry I triggered you. On further throught I realized Gary would feel foolish if he were to express exactly what his complaint is. He just feels ignored — because I do ignore him while I work all day — so he feels dismissed and instead of commenting that he’s being ignored, he reacts by saying I’m either being argumentative or being “insulting”. (This one is far more common. He’s never able to point to a specific insult.) That’s what happens when you don’t come up with the steady supply of the preferred love language. They turn on you.