Category: In Which We Mock Our Husband

Gary was complaining about the drywall dust again, saying the overhead air vents suck up the dust and then “Just fart it back out over our heads.” I was gobsmacked. “Did you just say … the ‘F’ word?” “Yes,” he said, viciously. “Fart. Fartfartfart. That’s how mad I am.” “You have demanded I say “poot’…

Some of the work done in the house involved removing drywall, and Gary is convinced that gypsum particles are still floating in the air weeks later. He can’t sleep in the main bedroom because a ceiling was removed in the main bathroom and he can still feel the particles on his skin. He harrumphs and…

I made a special note to compliment Gary this Sunday, and it only took a few hours for him to do something compliment-worthy. He opened a jar that had been locked down with fifteen year old paint. He struggled as much as I did, then he gently tapped it on the counter and it opened…

If I had been alone in the house last week, I would have had a lovely time eavesdropping on the workmen who installed my new bathroom ceilings, stair handrail, and back door. They were characters: the phlegmatic foreman (picture 1960 Peter Graves from Mission Impossible sighing, “Well, that’s the job.”), the excitable second man (picture…

Remember three weeks ago, when I wrote a little post about how Gary is so generous with saying “I love you?“ At the time, I read it to him, and he interrupted to say, “So, you like it when I say that?” I suspected he didn’t know how short the post was and wanted me…

Gary messaged me to say that he has a grand plan to get in shape for when the Covid is over, so that when that day comes, he’ll be ready to travel. Evidently, if you keep a homebody stuck at home three and a half years, even the biggest homebody will get the urge to…

In the spirit of Casual Friday, I have taken to wearing my least professional wig once a week. On Fridays, I swap out Sexytown for this wig: This wig is the closest to the hair of my youth, below. Like my original pube-like cloud of head-hair, but twice as much of it. So, Gary sleeps…

I did the math last night. I’ve been in love with Gary 41 years. He has said “I love you” almost every one of those days, even on most of the days we’ve fought. Even if you take off the six months we were on the outs, that’s still over fourteen thousand times (14,785). Mom…

I wondered aloud if a relative might have been of the right age to fight in World War One. I should have tried to do the math in my head first. Gary rolled his eyes and snapped: “Ellen, don’t talk about things when you know nothing. ” I braced myself for the mathematical ridicule. He…

It feels like just months ago that Gary stopped talking about his new electric car and bought a new electric car. Because it was. And now the next electric car is coming out and he wants one and he wont shut up about it. It’s just a concept car now. The BMW Dee. It has…