Category: In Which We Mock Our Pets

Gary loves it when Goldie sits on the windowsill like a Halloween decoration. Sadly, I noticed that Goldie has been slowly snipping away at the window screens, and has almost tunneled through. This means I need to purchase more durable screens. I thought Amazon would provide a selection of sizes, but it seems that all…

I have read that grown cats don’t meow to other cats. They mostly only meow at humans. Because cats are manipulative, and want food, and glaring isn’t as effective as meowing. I mention this because the other day, Gary and I were bickering, and the cat said, “MEOW meow MEOW, meowmeow.” Perfect imitation of the…

Well, I have created a monster. Now that I have employed the Intermittent Positive Reinforcement, Goldie is indeed trying to please me. All I want him to do is come in my room. However, because the reinforcement is random, he doesn’t quite know what he did right. He knows he got a treat when he…

Goldie the cat really loves to do death-defying leaps from the middle of the long ledge over the basement stairs to the shorter higher perpendicular ledge above it. It alarms Gary. Gary Method Gary has two methods he uses to discourage the cat. A. Blocking the high ledge with unattractive cardboard boxes. B. Pleading with…

We have a small house, and just like all aging people, we have accumulated stuff. Up until recently we had just the right amount of furniture, but in the past two months we added cat detritus (litter boxes, food dishes) and we Gary added mitigation devices (Hepa shop vacs, Hepa vacuums, humidifiers, and full-size floor…

This week I learned that while you may purchase automated snakes: … your cat will still prefer the classic ball of yarn, especially if you make it wiggle like an automated snake. However, the most important thing I learned was from a friend, who said cats should not play with yarn unattended. The yarn can…

So, Gary and I had a disagreement, like all married couples. I don’t imagine all couples disagree as loudly as Gary and as tearfully as I do, but there it is. The interesting thing was that Goldie the cat came into the room at the height of the fight, walked over to me, and began…

I want to report some cat abuse. I have been very content to eat the brand of moist cat food with which I am most familiar. Now they have switched my food to some high-protein New Zealand brand. For some reason the Teatless One — autocorrect just suggested Twatless One, heh– Teatless gave me some…

First of all, don’t expect much because writing this post is cutting into my sleep time. I got no sleep yesterday because the One With Teats was making turkey WHICH I DID NOT GET and then No Teats was watching a loud football game. I got my revenge at two in the morning when I…

I discovered this week that people with abandonment issues should not have cats. The cat got got nervous when he saw me sit at my computer on Monday morning. “Aha,” he said, “She is typing. The last time she did that those construction men came and made noise. I must hide.” And hide he did,…