Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: In Which We Mock Our Pets

  • Ooooz A Good Boy?

    An exchange this morning: Gary: “Here you go, Mac. Here’s your breakfast.”Gary in ‘Mac’ Falsetto: “Thanks Dad!”Gary: “See, I made it just the way you like it.”Gary Falsetto: “That looks great Dad!”Gary: “See? Mom just stacks it up, but I made it into a cone shape. I know you like that the best.”Gary Falsetto: “I…

  • An Haiku for My Dog, In Case of Thunderstorms

    Thunder came beforeYour ancestors went soft. DoDingo dogs do this?

  • Dog Thanksgiving

    You may have noticed I haven’t said much about Turkey Day at the S_______s, except there was, of course, pie. I’ve been working out exactly how to explain this year’s unique brand of chaos. See, Gary and I had girded our loins for the explosive combination of Sandy and her brood reacting with the rest…

  • In Which the Mets Experience the Willful Cruelty of the Baseball Gods

    “We barely beat them at the end. Which was exciting.” – Some dude who handed out the trophy.

  • In Memoriam

    In Memoriam

    We had to put Douglas to sleep. It turned out he didn’t have Addison’s, his very first X-Ray showed body parts in entirely the wrong locations. He wasn’t in pain, but it was just a matter of time. The vet gave us the option of keeping him there over the weekend, doing exploratory surgery, and…

  • Dog Death with Dignity

    One December morning I was making Christmas cookies with my friend Carol. The house was full of Christmas Crap decor – all the stuff that waits 11 months in the basement to come upstairs and clutter up your house during the holidays, and you have to move out your regular crap to make room for…

  • Mad Dogs and German Men

    Doug, the Sickly White Dog, has been increasingly sickly. He was feeling pretty peaked when he went for some dental work . Gwen the assistant even commented he was not looking in top form and had lost weight. I commented this might be because he is Bulimia Dog and has puked every day for a…

  • Mac, the Barom-o-Dog

    Killer tornadoes passed — sorry, ripped — through Missouri two nights ago. I knew this because my dog McDonnell was shaking and panting and sitting on my head at 2 a.m. I tried everything. The Full Body Dog Take-down. The Comforter Tent. The Tough Love Choke-hold. Mac the Mighty Weather Dog-ometer needed to alert me…

  • Dogs and Kangaroo (a sequel to Dogs and Butter)

    Doug, the delicate fluffy white dog, has been getting sores on his skin since day one. We thought it was the grass fertilizer, the detergent, etc. Since it has continued into the winter we are thinking he might be allergic to his food. So, he gets new food (and since it would be too hard…

  • Dogs and Butter

    Last fall, Mac and Doug were in the Living room admiring the new footstool.Mac said, “I must say, I admire the Furless One’s taste. That is a fine article of furniture.”“Mmmm,” Doug said, “Real quality. You can tell it’s built to last.”“What’s it used for? Does it have a purpose?” Mac wondered aloud.“I saw the…