Category: In Which We Mock Our Pets

My brother Dave has had the Whooping Cough for a week. We thought it was his yearly bronchitis because it is the same high-pitched keening hideous cough. (People have accused him of augmenting his cough for pity, that’s how dreadful it is.) But no bronchitis: whooping cough. In addition to the cough, he has blood…

Mac the Dog the last time you saw him: Mac the Dog today: He’s an old dog. Now, I know that’s a unflattering view. He’s pissed at me because I stayed late at work and Gary hasn’t even started for home yet. His butt says I CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT YOU. That makes his butt…

Lazy Saturday and Sunday. Most of the time I lounged in bed with the dog. Gary was off working or sleeping most of the time. The only useful thing I did this weekend was Scooba. At one point I let the dog off the bed while I went to the bathroom. And because I was…

UPDATE: This was planned because his physical was scheduled for this month. I am not conniving to off my dog because he is blocking vacation. My poor boy, Mac, is an old old dog. Sixteen? Seventeen? Today, I took him in to test his kidney function. The kidney numbers are worse than ever before. In…

One nice thing about working in the financial industry is you get every holiday the stock market does. There’s a debate at work: since the stock market closes when a former or current president dies, do we get that day off too? I’ve heard varying responses to this. I guess it’s up to Jimmy Carter…

The Best of Girl’s Night Out. Amazing concept. Tell people they can come over and “play with” your new range. “Let” them bake all the food. If I had just recently bought a new dishwasher I could have given them the privilege of washing the dishes. Somehow by the end of her life Mom had…

Well, after much experimentation (and abandoning the inaccurate instructions) I got the dog spy camera up and running. I regret to say that of 40 photos, only three were not of the darkness between the dog’s chest hair and his pillow. Also, the dog camera doesn’t work too well at night with low light. I…

A month ago, Mac got in a huff and stomped off to his crate. He flopped himself down with a touch of indignation, as if to say, “Christ! These people.” I chuckled. Since then, every day he hurls himself into his crate with a little more drama. Tonight, he hip-checked the inside of the crate…

My house seemed to be dirtier than ever this week, so while I was outside clipping up a dead shrub, the floor got Scoobaed. I left the back door open so I could hear if the Scooba made any plaintive “I’m Stuck” sounds, and so the dog could come out. He was out in the…

The dog is on a schedule. He knows the only time we will reliably be home is between 11 at night and 6 in the morning. As such, he has decided this is “social time.” He barks to wake us up at 2 to pee, at three to eat, at five to play, and at…