Category: In Which We Mock Our Illness

I am here to tell you all about bladder Botox in the form of Frequently Asked Questions. Does it really feel like menstrual cramps when they inject your bladder with the Botox? Hahaha, no, not at all. Menstrual cramps are much much worse. This just felt like having a needle poked into your bladder. They…

There is an added benefit to having a chronic illness. It lets you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I need to walk that mile, because my husband will tell you I am a very unsympathetic person. (Other people will not tell you that. Evidently you really need to get to know me before…

Well, I’ll be darned. The insurance IS going to pay for the bladder botox. Evidently I have cracked the code for insurance issues. It is: do not poke the insurance bear. Alert other parties involved to the situation, and do not call, worry, or look at your insurance web site for three to four weeks.…

So, I am going in soon for the Bladder Botox, and I confess I am a bit nervous about it, but if I am to be intermittently out in the world I can’t walk about clutching my crotch to keep the pee in. Gary gives me gentle reminders that BOTOX IS POISON and I could…

Usually when there’s a health insurance problem, I get very agitated, get on the phone, and get angrier and angrier until I find out it is all my fault. This last time was different. Instead of calling immediately this time I made a spreadsheet consolidating numbers from the insurance website, the health debit card website,…

The report is in for our physicals: despite how we feel, we are doing great. We both were sent off with vaccine recommendations. I need a Covid vaccine and Hepatitis B. I suppose I need Hep B because of my rampant drug use and philandering. (That was sarcasm for anyone Googling “Ellen S____ rampant philandering”.)…

The catheterization that happens during a urodynamic flow test can push air up into your bladder. And that air comes out the next time you pee. A pee queef. Very unusual sensation and sound. Higher pitched than the vaginal expressions of air, which are themselves higher pitched than the other more common expressions of gas.

I must say, I went to the urologist’s office for a urodynamic test, and it was very different than the one I took in 2011, in that it was shorter. All the prep work took the same time, but instead of increasing challenges, I got filled up, peed, and that was it. The doctor wasn’t…

My most recent blood test was processed just a few hours after my physical, which means I got a jump on my yearly self-diagnosis paranoia. I got in bed and researched all my low and high numbers. This year’s nonsense was augmented my ChatGPT / AI, which meant I got instantaneous feedback that I had…

I’m having some internal conflict. I want to be sympathetic to people who are mentally ill. I know it’s an illness. I’ve had that illness myself. But, good god, mental illness is such a source of suffering for families, for others. I suppose I could take a dodge akin to “Hate the sin, not the…