Category: In Which We Mock Our Illness

The catheterization that happens during a urodynamic flow test can push air up into your bladder. And that air comes out the next time you pee. A pee queef. Very unusual sensation and sound. Higher pitched than the vaginal expressions of air, which are themselves higher pitched than the other more common expressions of gas.

I must say, I went to the urologist’s office for a urodynamic test, and it was very different than the one I took in 2011, in that it was shorter. All the prep work took the same time, but instead of increasing challenges, I got filled up, peed, and that was it. The doctor wasn’t…

My most recent blood test was processed just a few hours after my physical, which means I got a jump on my yearly self-diagnosis paranoia. I got in bed and researched all my low and high numbers. This year’s nonsense was augmented my ChatGPT / AI, which meant I got instantaneous feedback that I had…

I’m having some internal conflict. I want to be sympathetic to people who are mentally ill. I know it’s an illness. I’ve had that illness myself. But, good god, mental illness is such a source of suffering for families, for others. I suppose I could take a dodge akin to “Hate the sin, not the…

I took advantage of the 60-degree weather to do some garden cleanup. The first hour was fine, but then I was plagued with double vision for the last thirty minutes. It’s pretty rare that I have MS symptoms unrelated to my bowel or bladder, but when I have them, it’s because I am gardening. And…

Gary’s mother has fawned on him since the day he emerged from her womb, and because of that, he has a high tolerance for compliments. I recall once I tried to see if I could get him to say, “Stop, you’re embarrassing me,” the way a woman might. I carpet-bombed him with compliments for twenty…

Look how young and happy I was before the world shut down. Four years ago today I went to Target and bought two pairs of pants in the smallest size I had been in fifteen years, then I went to my novel-writing class, then I got the text blast that told me I shouldn’t go…

I went to get the second dose of antibodies for the clinical trial. The staff said one participant had an adverse event after the second dose, but frankly it was what I’d call baseline. Some skin flushing? Turning a bit pink for the greater good? I will make the sacrifice. First I needed a short…

I try to document my neurologist visits here.

Well, I am officially headed to the WashU loading docks in the event of my death. I didn’t have to do anything but fill out a form with two witnesses and now I have this snazzy laminated card. The front is legit. The back fills me with dread. See it? SEE IT? What do I…