For years I deliberately didn’t give a thought to my appearance, and now that I’m aging I’m straightening my teeth and playing with fake eyelashes and losing weight. Because, as I say, I can’t be plain and then be old on top of it. That exceeds my acceptable level of hideousness. (Youthful acceptable level of hideousness immediately below.)
(Though it is evident I did crop out my double chin. So vain!)
Because I bought fake, inappropriately heavy eyelashes, the algorithm has determined I am a drag queen who really really cares about eyelashes and now it has shown me all the ridiculous advances in lash technology since I last shopped for makeup in … 2018, I think.
DID YOU KNOW they have really doubled down on eyelash curling technology? Some are even heated to really set the curl. Look at that first one with a readout for HOW HOT YOU WANT YOUR EYELASHES.
Or, as someone pointed out, you can just turn your blow dryer on your old school metal clamp curler for a few minutes.
So yesterday I went out looking for new technology and returned with eyebrow gel and pricey wattle tightening cream. (Which of course I shall apply to only the right side of my wattle for the next six weeks so the left wattle can be the control. Science.)