Confabulation, per Wikipedia: a memory error consisting of the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world. It is generally associated with certain types of brain damage.
It’s called “honest lying” because the memory is there — it just shouldn’t be. It troubles me for two reasons.
Gary has been showing some possible evidence of this. He and I had a stupid argument in which he insisted our tea towels came from Williams Sonoma, he remembered details of the visit, things the salesperson said, and how we disagreed on the color. I then showed him where there is a Pottery Barn label stitched into the hem of the tea towel that we bought online, and just broke his mind. Then there were two other occasions when similar things happened.
But now I’ve shown some evidence of this during this past week. There are conversations that I remember, in detail, and it turns out those conversations absolutely could not have happened with those participants at that time. At all. Impossible. Yet there it is in my head as if it happened yesterday. (And, may I say, no boring tea towel nonsense. I really shone during these conversations. I win all the annual Confabulation Screenplay Awards.)
Happily, neither of us has the other six warning signs of early dementia. Still, I contacted the neurologist’s office, and they tossed me to a psychiatric counselor, and she’s going to ask the doctor.
I just have this sickening sensation encompassing my heart and gut that says, “This is step one of dementia, and the others will come next, and then both of us will die squabbling over our differing delusions.”
4 responses to “TWIL: Confabulation”
… I hope your aging process contains something better than squabbling in it!
(but also, I’ve noticed that sometimes, and we’re 20+ years younger than Gary, so. Not just dementia, but a thing brains do sometimes. [and let’s not even get into realistic dreams and then being confused about whether the things happened or didn’t happen] But it’s miserable being unsure if what you’re remembering did in fact happen; or happen that way; or whatever.)
KC – Thanks for your kind words. I can get over a realistic dream in half a day, but this is still sticking with me. I think I can picture ten years down the line when I’m vulnerable to lies from all sides: lies from AI scammers but also lies from myself.
Okay. Now I’m wondering about things I’m sure happened conversation-wise that was remembered differently by someone, and wow. Disturbing.
Lisa – Maybe there are levels of misremembering, and levels of lies. Gary said something helpful: “Sometimes bad men lie to look good, and sometimes good men lie to look … better. And those two things aren’t the same.” But, after this story went from the psych counselor to the psychiatrist, the neurologist wants to have me come in.