Category: In Which We Mock Ourselves

Confabulation, per Wikipedia: a memory error consisting of the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world. It is generally associated with certain types of brain damage. It’s called “honest lying” because the memory is there — it just shouldn’t be. It troubles me for two reasons. Gary has been showing…

I have assembled every bit of paperwork I need for this Manhattan project settlement. I just have to decide if I want to file via US registered mail or by the on-line portal. I think most people are choosing the course that will get them the quickest cash turnaround, but I don’t think I need…

For years I deliberately didn’t give a thought to my appearance, and now that I’m aging I’m straightening my teeth and playing with fake eyelashes and losing weight. Because, as I say, I can’t be plain and then be old on top of it. That exceeds my acceptable level of hideousness. (Youthful acceptable level of…

It’s been four years of wigs now, and really, the wigs are working out for me. Granted, it gets a bit dull during the week, same hair every day no matter the weather, but on the weekends I make a point of exercising the wigs that have been sitting idle. The neighbors see me gardening…

Well, tonight is the last night my teeth will spend in the aligners. It was just a four-month process and they feel like all-new teeth. I mean, cosmetically they’re still too close to the ivory edge of the paint sample card. And my front teeth are still shorter than my canines (just like Mom’s). But…

I am tweaking the landscaping — and this year is the year of the pink, evidently. Phlox, which I’ve never tried, and dianthus, which is a soldier. You will note they are still in the pots. I worked for hours today, but it was all spent unearthing the river rocks I put out ten years…

Here is my arm. The bruise at the top exactly matches the edge of my home office chair armrest. It showed up last Friday. When the lower bruise arrived this morning, I spent some time lining my arm up with the edge of the desk, the rest of the armrest, the laptop. Until I recognized…

I had lunch with a friend today. Me: “Gary complains all the time. ALL the time.” (Followed by an imitation of Gary complaining.) Friend: “I was just thinking about another person who complains all the time.” (Followed by very concerning examples of those complaints.) Me: (Doubles-down on griping about Gary. Gives numerous examples and asides.)…

I have not touched the novel since November 2024. If you had asked me in the past few months why I wasn’t working on it I would have said that there was an entire chapter that was only five words long and I didn’t have the heart to gin up an entire chapter. Spoiler: If…

Longtime reader(s) (joke courtesy of Big Dot) — you will remember that I have tracked my wattle as far back as 2008. Last week I glanced at my reflection in the Phone and thought, “Well, that isn’t too — Oh, Jesus!” That bit at the end was when I caught sight of the Wattle. The…