So I went to the neurologist’s office to work out exactly why I seem to be spinning up these false memories.
I saw the physician’s assistant, who said one concerning thing.
At one point well into it he said, “But you’re smiling and happy. You don’t look like you’re depressed.” My response, when I collected myself, was to explain to him that both my earlier depressions were marked by disordered thinking and excessive guilt. Any tears waited until I was alone.
And also, really, he couldn’t have meant that. He has to know depression can hide behind a smile. Right? He’s almost a doctor. Right?
I left without a prescription for meds or a referral to a doctor, but perhaps those come separately, or maybe in his considered opinion I am just fine because I smile.
2 responses to “Bad day at the doctor”
Oh. Oh good heavens. Oh no. I… uh. Yeah. “You’re smiling, you can’t have depression” is one of those just Phenomenally Stupid things.
(that said, there is Nathalie Blanchard, whose insurance provider cut off long-term disability leave around 2009 [a Canadian case that got US national attention] because she *gasp* had photos on Facebook of her on vacation – vacations *her doctor had specifically prescribed for her to do* when feeling especially low. It is one thing if, to be on disability, someone says they’re blind and then post photos of themselves winning this year’s archery contest, but: y’all: depression, for most people, is not “never smiling in a photo until you are not depressed” any more than “needing a handicapped parking spot” because you can’t walk 100 feet in a row means “paralyzed from the waist down.”)
Anyway! I hope there is someone else who, say, actually checks your medical history and current depression status *beyond* short-term facial expression and who can provide whatever prescriptions/referrals are appropriate!
KC- Thank you! That was really well expressed.