Category: Miscellaneous Mockery

The HELL? No more Pluto? He always did seem out-of-place and out-of-scale. Plus, as Chuck at work explained, there’s no point in telling Pluto he’s dissed because by the time the news gets out there we’ll all be dead anyway. So, last time this happened they had to change the mnemonic from “Mary’s Violet Eyes…

The niece had her boyfriend say, “I love you” just before he left for an extended vacation in Egypt. She stumbled through some inadequate reply. We all know there is only one correct response to “I love you,” and she didn’t give it. This isn’t the first time she’s been in this spot, but it…

Here is Gary’s theory: John Mark Karr: expatriateLee Harvey Oswald: expatriate John Mark Karr: three part nameLee Harvey Oswald: three part name John Mark Karr: high pantsed weaselLee Harvey Oswald: high pantsed weasel Gary’s theory is that FOX, CNN et al have noticed this parallel and that’s why they’ve been following the plane flight from…

In the bathroom stall next to me I heard a mother admonishing her child, “Don’t touch that. Stop! Don’t touch anything. No!” She sounded as panicky, as if the fixtures were going to brand her child’s bottom. I thought “That child is going to grow up to be a hoverer.” You know, one of those…

Aha – I finally discovered the cranny of Typepad where comment listing is hidden. Too late, of course, to document that my blog was commented on by God

First: a geography lesson. Let’s start you in East Saint Louis, Illinois. You are standing on the bank of the Mississippi River and looking West. You are looking at the Arch. You are in great danger because you are in East Saint Louis. (Well you are.) Go west. Swim west, that is. Hurry! Swim faster!…

Right now, if you made me choose between slicing off my thumb and having twenty-plus chigger bites, I would lose the thumb. Chiggers are evil little bastards. And only the babies bite. I was always comforted that you could paint over them with nail polish and they would suffocate and die, entombed in your skin…