The niece had her boyfriend say, “I love you” just before he left for an extended vacation in Egypt. She stumbled through some inadequate reply. We all know there is only one correct response to “I love you,” and she didn’t give it.
This isn’t the first time she’s been in this spot, but it is the first time she’s had a three-week break to collect her thoughts. She’s composed the typical reply: “I care deeply for you, but I want to take it slow, I can’t speak to what the future may hold,” etc.
I suggested “I love you” is another one of those dangerous phrases that divides reality into black and white. Phrases like “Life begins at conception” and “virgin” and now, “I love you.”
So here’s my plan. Anytime I say I love you from now on I’m giving it a numeric qualifier. “Graquel, you brought me gooey butter Danish? I love you! 2.5!” “Gary, you’re still with me after 21 years? 8.85!” That way, when Arzaana-fay hears “I love you” she won’t have to think she’s all in for marriage (7.25 minimum).
And, if Gary yells at me, I can just respond by saying “8.23, 8.19, 8.00, 7.50…”
3 responses to “I Love You 5.333333”
Oo, nice concept. And you’re right, it does divide life into Before and After, which is why I have never said it to my fella. I know if I did, he’d be skedaddling as fast as he could.Maybe hitting him with a little 1.25 wouldn’t scare him quite so much. Er…no. Maybe 0.75…
I love you, Queen. 5.0
5.0 right back at you, Melati, but I’m grading you on a curve.