Category: In Which We Mock Our Pets

This happened the day we left for the cruise. We dropped Mac off to be boarded, and came back home to pick up some things before we left for the airport. We pulled into the driveway, and there was a foo-foo girly little white dog peeing on our mailbox. Thought 1: “Right now our house…

We tried to go to bed last night at 11, but the dog wouldn’t settle. He planted himself at the foot of the German-Shepherd-weight Grand Carpeted Staircase leading to our bed and barked. We both got up, let him outside, gave him treats, rubbed his belly, checked his ears, and hauled the little bastard up…

My dog has a piercing bark. He yaps in a way that says, “YAP, bitch! Look at me when I YAP at you! YAP! Give me some! YAP! I will not be IGNORED! YAP! Perhaps you didn’t hear me. YAP!” It’s a demanding yap, and there’s a pause between yaps while he thinks, “maybe one…

UPDATE: Seriously, Magpie Musing has selected the lamest week of my life to link to my blog. Nothing was funny this week. Scroll down to Republican Pseudo-Census Form from last week. =================================== Okay. So, Mac got a haircut. =================================== Wait. I should warn you. I’m not funny. I always write serious posts about my life.…

Gary, the oldest, is the Rock. Though you would not expect it, Paper covers Rock. Mac is the Paper. I am the Scissors. And the Rock is in training and not around much this week. And Paper is all, “Paper covers Scissors too, bitch,” but Mac is mistaken. Scissors cut Paper. For example, I ate…

Woof!WOOF! How dare you ignore my demanding bark? Attend to me! Better. This is Mac the dog. Did she even bother to tell you I had surgery? The doctor had to remove a foot boil. And afterward I DIDN’T FEEL WELL AND DIDN’T EAT FOR A WEEK. She didn’t tell you, did she? Because she…

Here’s what a tornado warning looks like here: Yes. The Tongue of TERROR! The dog curls his tongue, pants, shakes, burrows, paces and roams in thunderstorms. Oh, and he climbs on our heads and we wear him like a hat. We recently saw a claim that one may wrap ones dog in a large Ace…

Mac the dog gets me out of bed every night so I can let him go outside. I have found I can do this and not actually interrupt my REM cycles, and even go a little “outside” myself if I am so inclined. He has a particular bark he uses to summon me. He jumps…

So, crack detectives, put these facts together. My Dog is over 10. He is fed a daily diet of Minute Rice, Bob Evans Turkey in Gravy, and Paws Kibble, except he hoards the Kibble for later. His favorite place is on top of my head. Scared? Climbs on my head. Lonely? Climbs on my head.…

I could go into greater detail but my head IS going to explode. Let Mac the Dog out. Began making Green Bean Casserole. Heard a dog howling and baying. Looked out to see if it was Mac. Was not Mac. Then a deer loped through our yard and was in my peripheral vision before I…