Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: In Which We Mock Our Pets

  • On Dogs. By Rudyard Kipling.

    I hate it when dogs die, especially excellent dogs like Marcia / Friend #3’s Ricky. He isn’t gone yet, but let me tell you this dog was a pooper. He telegraphed his intentions, he did his business, and he picked up a pine cone to let you know he was ready to go back in.…

  • Twenty-First Century Dog

    Mac the Dog is using his effluvia to run our lives. He has had what Gary calls soft-serve poo. The vet says Mac has an infection, so now he’s on a course of anti-biotics and anti-spasmodics. That, plus Metamucil sprinkled on the food, resulted in perfect poo. For a while. We came home Friday to Blasts of Crap…

  • Doggyblogging

    And now, a word from your canine. Mac here. I’m here to let you know what’s up in this household. First of all, the hairier of the Furless Ones has been off work. It’s been a Testicle Festival here! (To be honest, I don’t know what testicles are. It must be a human thing; the…

  • Update Du Dog and Other Household Pets

    Gary’s has been feeding the dog nothing but a few scraps of Mighty Dog with an avalanche of this on top: Mac the dog gets a lunch-plate full of this twice a day. ======================================= The other day I was running the Roomba in the kitchen and dining area. I was sitting on the other side…

  • Přitulit se!*

    My poor dog is exhausted. Gary has the flu, and the dog is really earning his keep by snuggling with Gary’s sick self. Mac the Dog just trundled into this room and flung himself on the floor. “Jesus. What a baby,” his eyes said. “He’s really bringing me down. Do you still have those pretzels?”…

  • Gina asks: “How is Tinkerbell?”

    When Gary ferried Mac and I to the in-laws for Thanksgiving dessert, I asked, “So, how is Tinkerbell behaving?” “She’s a biter,” Gary said, “So far she bit Mac and Moses. She hasn’t bit Willow yet.” “What’s Willow’s secret? Does she run? Show her belly?” “Mom says Tinkerbell doesn’t like boy dogs because she was,…

  • Dog Drama

    What do you do with a dog who is happily standing with his full weight in a pool of his own blood? No pain. “Yeah, I’m bleeding. You don’t have carpet. What’s the big deal? If you are Gary, you scream at your wife. Then at some point, you realize the dog needs medical attention.…

  • Mmmm Lung

    Gary arrived home after visiting the Petco pet store. I could tell he was home by the distinctive way he screamed, “Honey! I’m home!” Actually, he screamed, “COME SEE THIS THIS IS AMAZING YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS THING I FOUND AT THE PET STORE!” I went to the kitchen and found out that the…

  • So Cute It Will Make You Puke

    So Cute It Will Make You Puke

    Look at this sweet face: (And don’t ask me what the story is with the green eyes. It happens even with the red-eye reduction on or off, which is ironic.) He doesn’t look sick, does he? No. He looks a healthy puppy. Granted, he looks bald for a silky terrier; they usually look like this:…

  • Guest Post of the Week: Mac the Dog

    (Ellen says: The dog has been fidgety lately, so I decided to let him post.) Pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Mac the dog. Technically, I am McDonnell the dog (nee), but now that my cohort do this to a dog. I realize the article explains the dog liked being up on the car…