A Message From My Colon.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ellen’s lower intestine, Colin Bowel.

I said nothing when she spoke ill of me in the past, But now she has gone too far. She claims that it is fear of the new car that upsets her digestion. No. I upset her digestion. I run her life.

Now that I have matured I feel I can’t be expected to give my all the way I used to, but when I do, I think I do a solid job. However, she is trying to use mechanical means to control me, to quell my spirit now that I am old, and that will not do.

That’s why I send her back to the bathroom every time she leaves the house, just to remind her who is in charge.

I felt I needed to give a rebuttal.