In Which We Stimulate the Economy

Last week we learned the US Gross Domestic Product declined dramatically.

Do not blame me. I spent five hundred dollars on groceries last week. I am stimulating the economy as much as I can.

There were some purchases that would be alarming in any circumstance, like when you have to replace the bottle of olive oil. I think the small bottle of olive oil is usually $12 a bottle, which is why I use the corn oil to clean the paintbrushes, but this time it was $15. Has to be done, I thought, and that bottle will last a long time.

I ordered cherry tomatoes and they substituted a fancy medley of orange, yellow, and dusky red cherry tomatoes, which were delicious, but a dollar more. Screw it, I thought, there’s a pandemic. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

The weekly eight ounce strip steak cost 16 dollars, though I believe it is usually under ten. But why not get it anyway? Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we could quite literally die.

I have never paid six dollars for a box of butter before, but these are strange times.

Ten dollars for a package of bacon comes out to 84 cents per slice of bacon, which is not bad at all, right?

Besides, Gary’s potato chips were more than than half off, and we stocked up. Four dollars of savings right there.

After all my rationalizations, the total with tax came to $440, and delivery was free, as one would think. When my heart resumed beating came the decision to tip the shopper the recommended amount, which was $63. Small price to pay, I thought, what else am I just going to spend my money on? Gas money? Vacation?

Well, if it means that I can contain the Covid and stimulate the economy, I don’t mind being gouged. At least, that’s what I tell myself.