News From the Past: Cairo Gets A Pyramidoscopy

A very special  news story: They’ve sent a camera robot into the Great Pyramid at Giza to investigate some smaller chambers and shafts. The camera looked left and right and saw some red hieroglyphics on what were “previously considered airshafts”:

They’ve sent a robot through those shafts before and made a documentary of it, which I dimly recall ended with a robot banging up against a heavy wooden door. Thunk. Whirr. To be continued.

Perhaps I need to re-watch that documentary. Why can’t those be airshafts again? Because of the doors? Let’s say we are building a pyramid, and you’re working on the King’s Chamber. The pryamid is only this high, and here’s where the airshafts stop.

I’m the boss, and I say we’re done with the King’s Chamber and all we need to do is top this baby off and go home. (Then I say “Screw this pyramid, I’m going home,” but actually with a good Cartman imitation.)

But we notice the rain keeps running down the airshafts, so we put doors over the shafts. Then someone starts building the pyramid higher and we realize, we have to keep building the shaft upward, otherwise all our calculations will be wrong, because we didn’t use metric like the rest of the world.

Then I get impatient and say, “Just use the hot glue gun,” and then I suffer horribly from a glue gun injury because there are no antibiotics.

I think they’ll translate the hieroglyphics and they’ll say,”Who the fuck decided we have to keep building this airshaft? Bad management! Union! Murder the boss with the big ankles and pour her blood down the airshaft!”