*I’ve stopped calling him a NEURO-psychiatrist. I go see a psychiatrist. Judging me now? I’m strumming my lower lip at you. Bb-b-b-b-b-bbub-b-b-b.
I lined up Get In Lineon the iTunes, as I do every year. I parked in the new parking garage I found last time. I established the upper hand with my doctor when I asked how weight watchers was working for him.
I selected the chair, not the couch, because I always select the chair, and I sat down with my hands folded in my lap and feet flat.
I answered every question honestly and pleasantly. I can only imagine what he made of it.
He asked, “So, how has your year been?”
“Great. Really great.”
We began talking about why my year was great, and I mentioned the Series 7 test, and our good health, and the upcoming trip to France, and how expensive hotels are.
He made a note in his file. “Patient doesn’t care what Parisian hotel costs. Claims to like nice hotels and feels they are worth the price. Mania?”
When I saw him raise his eyebrow and make that note, I backed off, but he’d moved on.
“How is your husband?”
“Gary is great. We’re really getting along well.” There was a pause, which I would usually fill with complaints about Gary, only at the moment I have none. I looked at my feet during the long pause.
He made a note. “Lying about husband.”
It was obvious even to me that I sounded too content.
“How is your MS?
“Great! No problems at all, except for one day when I stayed too long in the sun and had to take off work the next day.”
“Patient is unaware of the severity of her condition. May be experiencing MS euphoria.”
“Okay, then. So it seems like everything’s going great!”
“Oh! My dog might die!” I had to add that because I was scaring myself. I sounded Stepford.
“So will you get a new dog?”
“Probably.”
“One that’s housebroken?”
“Hopefully.”
“Narcissistic,” he wrote. “Doesn’t care beloved pet might die, just cares about her floors.”
Finally it was over. I think my psychiatrist is jealous of me. He’s projecting or transferring or something.
10 responses to “Another Trip to the Psychiatrist*”
Yeeeees. There’s a lot to be said for the unexamined life, I think.
(But Ha Ha!)
Big Dot – I wouldn’t do it, but he has the sweet sweet Celexa.
As a current resident of the continent you are about to visit, I lament the lack of “midrange prices”. You can find dirt cheap and super expensive, but why are there no Courtyard Marriotts or Holiday Inn Expresses in Europe?…places that are pretty guaranteed to be clean and not too scary and provide you with a free breakfast that will allow you to bypass the cost of lunch and give you more time for sightseeing?
If you have not yet booked (and you travel like we do, spending only exactly the amount of time it takes to sleep and get dressed and maybe do one other thing in a hotel room), I recommend the Ibis…which is kind of, sort of in this category…but not exactly….but not horrible either.
You are fifteen flavours of awesome. Hope your dog doesn’t die.
it doesn’t matter what you say. 90% of communication is nonverbal. we’ll see the truth no matter what!mhhhwwwahhhaa ahhaaahhhaa!!!
You know good and well how I feel about your mental states.Off topic.
Wow, thanks, Hot Mom. Charles made it look so easy! What was all the fuss about, Queen?
Sarah – I find we are in the hotel room numerous times a day. We leave in the morning, but come back to change clothese when we find people are laughing at our giant Peanuts sweatshirt, or if we get sweaty, or if we just ate and have to spend forty-five minutes in the bathroom. I found English people will wait patiently for the one bathroom stall for thirty minutes but then they will pipe up with “Excuse me…” and you emerge to find there is a line of twenty quiet people. Allison – Thank you. He seems to be in pretty good shape right now.Mrs Hall – So does fidgeting peg you as manic?Hot Mom – Ooo, you missed it by a long time. Anne found that a year ago. Cheesecake pie is next. Big Dot – It’s a pie! In a cake! How can you not fuss. Besides, you may be confusining it with the Impossible Babka.
no, just nervousness.
i can say that you have been married for evah, have a job that took fortitude to get, survived a test that took a few years of your life, have friends that routinely help you slaughter lobsters . . . .
all of this indicates stability. iffn you were nutz or manic, these things you have accomplished in your life, they indicate that you are stable.
see that right there? i figured that out without even meeting you.
just be honest Ellen. patients try to hold stuff back or bullshit us all the time. so we wait until your ready. and when you are we can get to the real stuff and the real work begins.
good luck.
and oh yeah, i always tell my patients this, “Well, if you are crazy you’re in the right place, this is the mental health department!”
(and this causes a smile 🙂
Mrs Hall – yes, I had an uncle (Technical uncle, I guess) who lied for a year to his shrink. I don’t know what was meant by “shrink,” or how he lied.