Okay, all you Glen Beck fans, this is God posting. The Lord your God. At ease.
First of all, you are in the wrong place. Evidently Glen Beck made some type of allusion to a poem by Rudyard Kipling. (I don’t know, I don’t watch the Glen Beck show.) So now you all googled “little dog vomit rudyard kipling,” and the first hit brought you to this blog, On Dogs. By Rudyard Kipling, which, while it does refer to dogs and Rudyard Kipling and, in the comments, vomit, it is not the poem you seek.
Just so you know, Rudyard is here and he wants you to know he doesn’t think much of Glen Beck, and that poem about giving Jesus a dog is awful. (Jesus doesn’t want to criticize but He says He’s a cat person.)
Just so you know how I feel about bad art done in My name, last night I threw around some lightning and destroyed Big Butter Jesus.
Before:
During:
After:
From “Touchdown” Jesus to “Terminator”Jesus. That statue has pissed me off for years. Look at the cross: it’s not to scale! What is that, a decorative cross in his lap? MeDamnit.
It felt so good that this afternoon I zapped that British Petroleum boat that’s “capturing” the oil from the spill. They need to decide if they want to capture the oil or stop the oil. It’s 2 tons worth of pressure bursting out, drop 4 half-ton things on top of it and it’ll stop. It’s gravity. Plus, you have robots.
Oh, and General Petraeus? Bitch, watch your step. I can take you out like that. Remember when Georgie Bush “choked on a pretzel?” Yeah.
23 responses to “A Special Guest Post from God”
Amen.
excellent!
I feel so much safer knowing that the commander of the US forces fighting terrorists in the Middle East passed out because he didn’t eat breakfast.Honestly, you should have mentioned the Flaming Butter Jesus second.
I thought about the Petraeus thing on the way to work. I decided that he probably pushes himself further than people ever should on a daily basis. It’s too bad for him that he passed out in public, though.
Bwahahahahaha! This just made my day! <3
You are in fine form today. I bow down before you.
You have done your queenly best here.
As an Ohio resident under the thumb of Big Butter Jesus, I thank you for the gift of lightening.
Amen!
This is Satan commenting. Thanks for helping me out with this, you know this is my crazy time of year. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you and I look forward to working together again soon. Although, I wish you wouldn’t have dropped the ball on that Bush-pretzel job. I guess if you want something done right….
3 – You may call me ‘Hashem,’ not God.Rigdon – Hi! Miss you. Sorry, this is God.Come back to church.Hot Mom – Yeah, you believe that ‘breakfast’ lie? I thought I made you cynical.Tami – You are nicer than God. I think he’s on drugs.Elisabeth – God <3’s you too.Magpie – Bow to me! But don’t kiss my ring, that’s lame.Hattie – Can you not hear me intone? I AM GOD. And I love the photoshopped Jesus on your blog.Kelly – Ah, Kelly, Ellen says hi, and I am glad you were not actually under BBJ when he went up in flames. BTW your Heathen baby is cuter than Dooce’s Marlo any day.Satan! Dude! How are you and those six babies? Ellen wants me to say thanks for picking up the slack on the babies and your baby is cute too. God loves the Babies.
There’s so much fabulous stuff in the world thanks to religion (http://travelskite.blogspot.com/2009/10/glory-be-to-god) but by, well, God, there’s some almighty crap too.
This series of photos was in our paper this morning, but you scooped it.
Big Dot – What? I thought you all were a day ahead of us …
Yes we are – but something that happens on your Wednesday, say, doesn’t happen on our Tuesday. That’s why your 9/11 was actually our 9/12 – though we would have called it 12/9, of course.
It’s a shame we can’t tell you what’s going to happen. Seems like a wasted opportunity somehow.
Big Dot – So, is your emergency call number 129? Because ours is 911. Some people believe that influenced the selection of the date. These people are crazy.
No, ours is 111. In Australia it’s 000, and in Britain it’s 999. Goodness knows what it is elsewhere, but in this global world I reckon it should be the same everywhere. I haven’t tried it out, but I have a vague idea that it’s been arranged so that 911 dialled here goes to 111 – because TV has drummed 911 into us. Do you know why those numbers were chosen when triple numbers are so popular everywhere else?
Big Dot – I think it’s because The Phone Company had already appropriated 411 for information.
I love reading your blog. It always makes me wonder if I’m actually awake.
Allison – You will love MY blog allison. Ellen says I have the best blog ever.
Huge Thumb’s Up on this one !
Leprrkan – I never noticed you have huge thumbs.
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I know that last comment is spam because I’ve never noticed that Armenians have particularly prominent rear ends. Just big noses.
nenttieni – You were fine once, but if you ever come back I will delete you.Tami – Have you SEEN some of the photos of that woman’s rear? And then some times she looks normal. I say it’s fake. Mainly I’m saying that to piss off the spammer.