Meet my new love.
I am up to two of these caffeine rockets a day. And I became addicted before I ever noticed that the mocha is just a gateway drug, a delivery system for the guarana. I don’t know what guarana does, or what this other thing, “taurine” does, but it makes me happy.
I was at the gas station the other day, picking up one of these and a side of cheese popcorn because it was that time, the time of the month all my hormones put their energies into force-feeding me alternating handfuls of chocolate and salt. (It could be worse: those same hormones used to make me bleed from the nether regions. All the time. Well, like once a month. But it felt like every month. Glad that stopped.)
So this woman walked past me, pointed at my Doubleshot and said “I am addicted to those.”
“They make me happy!” I replied breathlessly.
She gave me an odd look and said something about how I was easy to please.
Of course, it might be the ginseng and the B-vitamins getting me off, but it isn’t, we know it isn’t.
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A self-referential aside: As I typed this up, I interrupted myself twice.
First, I was worried, “Oh no, this sounds too much like that peanut butter addiction thing I read thirty-five years ago in Mom’s college humor book.” Half an hour of Googling proved “Peanut butter” + “Max Shulman” does not get you a hit on a copy of “Max Schulman’s Guided Tour of Campus Humor” anthology, much less “Confessions of a Peanut Butter Addict” by Jack Lynch. However, eventuaaaalllllyyy remembering Mom’s stuff is now your stuff and finding that same book on the bookshelf in the next room works well too.
And second, when I typed up “handfuls of chocolate and salt” I thought, “they should make Salted Chocolate,” and then remembered they did and I have a credit card.
So, going to bed now. Hahahahahahaha. Should fall asleep around dawn.
15 responses to “My New Drug”
Sugar! Sugar sugar sugar!
Mmm, salted chocolate. Try this: http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/barcelona_exotic_candy_bar/exotic_candy_bars
And like my sister says, nobody ever says your ass looks salty.
Salt’s even worse for me than sugar.
Have you ever had Chubby Hubby ice cream? I think it was made for hormonal women.
At least your hormones don’t care what color your food is…
~Silk – Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!Magpie – Well, that does look good. Might have to have a taste-off.Allison – Hah! Or caffienated. Hattie – It’s all bad, but it was The Week.Caroline – Hm. Maybe if it was swiss chocolate wiuthpeanut pretzels, it would tempt me. But, you have normal woman hormones. I’m a man with boobs.Hot Mom – As long as it isn’t green, we are cool.
Hormones? I seem to remember having some once.
Hattie – The salt-chocolate urge is the only vestige of my hormones. That will pass soon, I’m sure.
Ooooooooookkkkk so I have to tell you about my chocolate/salt combo that I LOVE…I came across this at the dollar store (I know, I know…but they have cheap sandwich bags, foil, etc…). ANYWHO. Chocolate drizzled carmel popcorn and peanuts = HEAVEN. Indeed. Be on the lookout for it…I tried to find the stuff online but could not. But it’s good. Go, search. Now.
Autumn – Oh, I know it well. Harry and David Moose Munch. Moose Munch
No no my friend…it’s not Harry and David…that’s far too expensive for my tastes 😉 But I’m sure it’s equally as delightful and AMAZING when you need that combo of awesomeness.
Autumn – H&D like so many others has a cheaper knock-off they sell under another brand name. I was astonished to hear Purina Mills sold essentially the same dog food in different bags with different marketing and different prices.
Could have sworn I posted this before:
Sweet Dreams Chocolate Drizzled Caramel Popcorn with Peanuts
Tami – Ah! Autumn, take note.