Shut your face. I love the band Barenaked Ladies to such a degree that I joined the Ladies Room fan club five years ago.
I joined after it became free, and here is why:
Originally: “Call 1-800-999-9999 to join The Ladies Room for only $35!”
And later: “The Ladies Room is FREE! Just log in to join!”
They could have charged me double as long as I didn’t have to talk to anyone ON THE PHONE. At 43.
At any rate, the fan club has since come under new management, and just as the old club misjudged the demo when they expected us to be social enough to TALK on the PHONE (jesus), I fear the new one either misjudged us again or is just messing with us and I’m just too hip to get it.
They sent us Identification Cards.
Like So.
…and …. so: 
The back reads :
PRINT YOUR NAME ABOVE
This membership card is only valid when your full name is printed above and presented with a valid photo ID.
THIS CARD IS NON-TRANSFERABLE
So:
1. Sorry. You can’t borrow my BNL NON-TRANSFERABLE fan club card.
2. Do I have to carry this card with me? Will at some point I ever be asked to present my card? What if I slip and I SIGN my name above as one does with credit cards, and not PRINT as directed?
3. I took a photo of the card instead of running it through the scanner, because I sweartogawd I thought I might de-magnetize it.
3.1. About the de-magnetizing, I didn’t see a magnetic strip but I thought, better safe than sorry because WHO KNOWS, this little plastic CARD might have a special magnetic strip UNDER the orange PRINT YOUR NAME HERE area. And one day they’ll all begin pointing North and we will band together in a great (perhaps slightly smaller since the unfortunate events of the past year, but yea still great) a great multitude, and then we will all get naked and hold our cards up to the sun like Ultraman and sing the opening lick of If I Had a Million Dollars like the Geek Chorus in the Intel ads.
4. AND DON’t EVEN TRY TO GET INTO THAT WEBSITE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CARD, MOTHERFUCKERS. Only club MEMBERS can get in! I haven’t been in because I forgot my password, and I have been to lazy to look it up where I saved it in email.
5. Shut your face.
15 responses to “I am a Card-Carrying Member of the Delayed Adolescence Society”
Why the hell don’t I have one of those cards? I get codes to buy $200 concert seats, I got 400 copies of the CD, I got the friggin’ T-SHIRT THAT I CAN NEVER WEAR, but I don’t have a card? WTF?
I would like to go to a BNL concert with you sometime. I’m serious. I’ll travel.
you know they’ll send you your password, right? I know because I forgot mine and had to have them send it to me.the member cards from the olden days when it cost money to be in the ladies room before it was free were much more official looking…we had a member number and everything. one day perhaps I’ll find that card again. I did actually carry it around in my wallet for a few years (dork!). I was never required to show that one to anyone for anything either, but I think the scenario you’ve mapped out above sounds like a good time.
Tami – It came from artistarena, maybe all your purcahses were through the other vendor? ~~Silk – New York state has a few shows. One at Radio city, and one by finger lake at some place called canadaiana or something. Chicago would be perfect, but they are snubbing them this tour.Kristie – Really? Like an embossed number like a credit card has? Dork!
If anyone decides to go to Radio City, let me know. I haven’t committed to that show since I’m hitting Atlantic City tomorrow night, but if it was to meet *friends*, well, that would make a second show OK, see?
All I could think when I got mine was, “Brown and orange? Seriously? Was Steven the one with the design asthetic?”
I am a very exclusive, card-carrying member of the library.
Tami – I know you were there! You just Facebooked me.Crystal – I was a departure, wasn’t it? Caroline – Oh! Rub it in! Just because I turned mine back in.
I completely drunk-messaged you. You’re lucky I didn’t accidentally send you the one that I sent the boyfriend.
Tami – You got offline pretty fast after it.
I finally got mine. That thing is seriously laminated– not like the weak lamination of the old days.
I shook out the bag and found my card. I felt like I should mention it, after complaining. And jeez, I dislike the color palate. It reminds me of my job.
Rachel – Sh! Tyler got on the message board and said he didn’t want to hear any more bad-mouthing of the (label-instituted) fan club. Of course, the message sounded as if it was written by his mother. I doubt he did more than ‘sign’ it. Tami – Worse, it is Gary’s bachelor pad. Brown and rust.
I’ll be good! I just think that if I’m in some sort of natural disaster- my shirt and pants might not survive, but that card will! : )
Rachel- then BNL will be worshipped as gods in the future.