Here was my day.
Morning, noon, afternoon: Study for my big test in June.
4 to 7: Kentucky Derby, pizza.
7 to 9: Wait for the damn correspondents dinner to begin on CNN, because I believed Don Lemon every time he said they would be back any minute with the President’s remarks.
9 to 9:30: President’s remarks.
9:30 to 10: Make Gary a pie. Pie is love.
10 to 10:15: Wonder what I’m going to blog about, because this is one of the most boring days of my life.
10:15: Stand up and begin to walk into the kitchen from the guest room.
So, you know how you’re walking, and your weight goes forward and THEN your leg swings forward so you don’t ultimately fall? But then sometimes? Your right leg gets caught in the sweatpants on your left leg, and the essential swinging forward is impeded, and time slows down and you crack your head on the wood floor?
Yes, just like that.
And I wish I had the stones to immediately say, “Hey! There’s something to blog about.” I think my first thought was “Damnit! I just bought those glasses!” as they skidded across the floor. I wasn’t articulate enough to answer Gary when he yelled:
“Ellen! Did you fall?”
(Moan)
“You fell!”
Gary was still in the other room getting the dog off his lap when I inclined a little and got my head propped up on my arm.
(Drip)
Now, I know my husband, so my first statement was to yell, “Bring towels! I’m bleeding! Head wounds bleed easily!” That last part was to make sure he didn’t walk in and freak out –
“MY GOD YOU’RE BLEEDING!” (And I was, it was running down my arm. He handed me a wad of toilet paper.) “GET DRESSED YOU’RE GOING TO THE ER.”
“I’m not getting dressed to go to the ER.” And by that I meant, I’ve had this argument before about the ER dress code. The dog ran in and jumped on my hip to claim first dibs to my juicy dripping bloody body if I were to die.
Eventually I sat up, Gary checked my pupils, then he checked my dented head gouge which had already swollen shut. (Evidently a piece on the inside of the earpiece of my glasses sliced into my temple.) We agreed it looked more dramatic than it was.
Now my only fear is that I will go to sleep tonight with a concussion. But wait – what is this? Breaking news? Car bomb in Times Square? Someone up there is looking out for me.
13 responses to “Drama”
(Damn!) don’t want to be hearing from now on is “Ellen had a fall”. I hate that term with a deadly loathing.
But you didn’t lose consciousness, so it wasn’t concussion, isn’t that how it works? when I dinged my head in Delhi (http://www.travelskite.com/2009/12/ant-vs-grasshopper.html) I went to a performance, took headache pills for the huge egg on the back of my skull and went to bed, and still woke up in the morning – though I had the whirlies for months after.What you REALLY
Big Dot – Ah look, the spider is back! And I;m glad you corrected your link, and finally, one of the first things I thought was “I’ll be dead in a year” because you know that’s one of the things they say about old people,they have a fall, then they die. Except for my father-in-law. And I did research concussion after I blogged, and yes, you are right.
Um, I’m sorry about clogging up your comments but just in case anyone actually wanted to follow my incorrect link above, this one ought to work: http://www.travelskite.com/2009/12/ant-vs-grasshopper.html
Are you still with us, Queen?
vomiting, passing out, pupils dilating unevenly – those are the signs….good call on the ER, you would have regretted it.
Oh, damn. Don’t go falling down anymore.
Oh, God, I’m so sorry. I’ve taken nasty falls myself a couple of times. Once when I was alone and sick with the flu I just passed out and woke up on the bathroom floor.I’m so glad your husband was there with you.
Suburbancorrespondent – I know that’s right, but Gary reminded me he got a concussion in football and didn’t pass out or throw up, but he did forget his first name.Magpie – Well,okay then. Now I won’t. Hattie – I am glad he was there too. I could have gotten up and gone into the bathroom and gotten toilet paper myself, but it was good to have someone be horrified.
Your sweatpants gave you a concussion? That’s even worse than when my four year old did.
Caroline – Yes, my baggy sweatpants. Bastards.
I recommend that you switch to the “slinky” material pants for home lounge wear. Reason one: They NEVER wrinkle. Reason two: They’re actually super comfy. I used to wear mine to work until I fell asleep in them once, and for the rest of time they were pajama pants. Reason three: (discovered that time that I fell asleep in them) They’re slippery. When I roll over in bed, I don’t wake up caught on anything, because I just slide easily over in my slinky pajama pants. The right leg of these would *never* get caught on the left leg.
And yes, you’re right, the only dress code I have for the ER is that all my important bits be covered. Sometimes the ER is very crowded, and dozens of people pass you by while you’re hanging around waiting for treatment. If I was in a car crash or something, I might even forgo that rule, and hope that they could give me blankets when I got there.
I blame Don Lemon for your fall.
Tami – Well, I could just untie them at the bottom. That would be easier.Kelly – Yeah. He kept me in bed for two hours waiting.