I am a cynic, a skeptic, a skepnic, if you will. All I can do is give you the facts.
1) 29 years ago a maternity ward nurse at church told us about a baby born that day at 13 pounds, too big for a bassinet. “I bet that’s [my pregnant friend] Theresa,” I thought. I hadn’t spoken to Theresa in the past five months, since I didn’t see her at school any more.
The next day my pregnant friend Teresa called me. “Guess what?” she asked.
“You had a baby yesterday, and it was 13 pounds, and there wasn’t a bassinet big enough.”
It got a good reaction, but really it was just a good guess.
OR….WAS IT?
2) 20 years ago I walked into my job at Eliott, stopped by the back receptionist’s desk, and it occurred to me that Terry S____ was in the hospital having her baby right then.
“So! Terry’s having her baby.”
“Oh, no, Terry’s not due for weeks.”
“I must have heard someone talking about it just now. I’m sure she is.”
“Nope. Besides, we’re the only ones here.”
“I am positive she’s having her baby right now.” I still held fast that I’d heard it. I was so sure.
And of course, later that day we found Terry was had her baby while I was having my conversation with the receptionist. That one wasn’t a guess.
OR….WAS IT? (I argued with the woman. I was SURE. I’ve never met Terry’s baby, by the way. I wasn’t really close to her.)
3) Close friends have babies. I have no idea it’s going on.
4) Five years ago Robert at work was antsy and didn’t know why. “Your wife is having her baby right now, that’s why,” I insisted. As you know, Robert went home later that day when he got The Call from his wife. I might have been picking up on some father instinct Robert had. Just a guess? OR WAS IT?
5) So this time, when I heard the Happy Couple at work was nine months along, I decided to extend my psychic antenna and listen for any broadcasts.
Two days ago, they went in to be induced. I listened for a Celestial Birth Announcement, but there was none. I went in the next morning sure I had no psychic powers.
OR … DO I?
Evidently the first inducing drug didn’t work so she couldn’t have the inducing second drug, so the baby is hanging in there. At 10:57 this morning I got a psychic heads-up that the baby had “moved.” I was sure enough to write down the time. So, moving babies. Clearly my psychic ability is even more fine-tuned now.
OR IS IT?
I SWEAR to you I was checking in on the famous horse cam every five minutes earlier tonight, but nothing was going on. Gave up. A moment ago I thought, “I should check the horse cam,” and SON OF A BITCH that foal was half out.
Then again, it was obvious this horse was going to pop. I hope ~~Silk got to see it. I don’t think this was psychic, it was just a guess.
WAIT, WHAT? I’M CONFUSED. WHAT’S YOUR POINT?
I’m confused too. I know I don’t believe in psychic abilities, but I also know that when I know, I know. This is the first time I’ve tried to test it.
10 responses to “My Psychic Power”
I think we all have psychic abilities to some degree. We just have to be willing to listen.
Heard about a man yesterday who got goosebumps every time he got into an irrigation ditch to clear a pump, and when a HUGE croc was caught in it, was all “Woo, spooky, sixth sense” and the croc man told him “Nah, the croc sends out vibrations through the water, that’s what you felt.” So that made the farmer feel much better, of course.Maybe you’re just picking up vibes. Great party trick, though.
Nope, ~~Silk missed it. I went to bed 5 minutes before Celeste popped her colt. I’m two for two down now on the horses.
My mother was able to predict the sex of a baby with 100% accuracy, and I always know when a friend is pregnant before she does.
Shania – Hm. Could be. I need more evidence. Big Dot – I always think there’s a rational explanation, too. Perhaps there’s a smell preganant women give off? Of course the odds aren’t with me. It’s only four people out of the dozens who have been pregnant. (And my party trick is my Marcus-Gunn pupils.) Silk – I knew when Friend #3 was pregnant, sort of. I knew she looked radically different. I asked if she’d had a nose job.
Um, Marcus-Gunn pupils???
Big Dot-Seriously, they don’t have Google in NZ? Shine a light in my eye, the opposite pupil appears to constrict.
My party trick used to be tying a cherry stem in to a knot with my tongue. After that, it was crushing beer cans between my breasts. After that it was nothing, because I realized that my party tricks were not just desperate, but *trashy* and desperate.
Ah, youth.
Wait – you’re psychic?
Tami – Well, maybe. The work baby was born at 8 Friday night, and if I hear the labor began at 10:57 Thursday morning, then I’m golden.
The day you wrote this, my redneck cousin went into labor after we took her for a swim. She delivered the next morning.
Rayleen – well, I might just take credit for it. I’ll find out in the next few weeks if I was close with the work baby.