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From the Files of The Stupid
Years ago, Gary and I had our kitchen faucet replaced by a (butt-ugly) faucet / spray nozzle, and the previous spray nozzle replaced by a soap dispenser.
At one point the plumber asked us for some hand soap. He filled up a little plastic bottle with soap and then screwed that bottle up into a threaded area.
We watched carefully. The next time we needed to refill the soap, we knew what to do.
I held the flashlight, and Gary wedged himself under the sink, unscrewed the plastic container, I filled it up and handed it back to Gary, who screwed it back in, cursing.
We did this for YEARS. One day, something got caught on the soap dispenser and the silver pump part shown above AND IT LIFTED OUT of the plastic soap holder container.
And for a moment I said, “Oh no, I’ve broken the soap dispenser.”
12 responses to “We Are Forever Stupid”
That’s reassuring (though the plumber could have not assumed you knew how the dispenser that you bought worked) – and it reminds me of how, as a gel, I struggled for the best part of a year with stockings that I wore OVER my knickers (as shown not only in soft porn – as I discovered much later – but also in lingerie ads. I recently had a lively discussion with a fashion snapper over how they still do that, misleading another generation of naive girls (do they still exist?) – although of course they wear pantihose, except when attempting a little soft porn themselves, in which case, I laugh – ha! – at the frustration and frenzied fumbling that must ensue.)
I mean, of course, the suspenders over the knickers; and that it’s reassuring that you do blindly stupid stuff too. Despite being otherwise as sharp as a tack.
I shall now translate Big Dot for the American crowd: Garters (suspenders) go UNDER the underpants (knickers), not over, like they show you in all the Victoria’s Secret ads. Putting the underpants on last means that you can then use the restroom without undoing the entire ridiculous lot. Pantyhose, however, still go over the underpants.
This is an important lesson. Thanks, Dot!
You wear garters long enough for the bathroom to be an issue?
Big Dot – oh, and I thought I was so practical and efficient when I bucked the style and wore my panties on the outside! Tami – thank you for the public service.Caroline – I was separated, which was why I was wearing mine, so I was getting my sexual self-esteem from my underwear, not from Gary. I don’t know anyone else’s excuse.
My excuse is that we’re sufficiently backwoods here (or were) that in 1969 when I was at high school, stockings were still part of the uniform, pantihose not yet having come into common usage. (Sorry if linking teenage schoolgirls in uniform with stockings and suspenders is making anyone sweaty.)
And calling suspenders garters makes me laugh, because those are what we wore to hold up our long socks at primary school – same as you laugh at my calling garters suspenders, when you use those to hold up your trousers (pants) – or at least Gordon Gecko did. We call them braces. Yes, same as on teeth. I think I need a lie-down now.
I hate pantyhose, mostly for a Serious Sweat issue that makes the hose fabric attach to my skin in places I really don’t want that to happen. Stockings and garters (or the really good thigh highs) are much better. In fact, thigh highs are my fave (only the very good kind) because it means one less waist band + air circulation.
I’m all about my circulating air.
Big Dot – technically garters are the same as yours, but garter belts are the one you wear at your waist. That’s where mine always landed, though I’d have liked to have them hit at the hip.Sherri – No on the thigh highs. Either they have elastic and make bulges in my chubby thighs OR they are loose and make big swoops up to the garter.
Big Dot reminds me of that terrible time in the history of womanhood..the time between the inception of mini skirts and the invention of pantihose, I spent most of my junior and senior years yanking my skirts down and the tops of my nylons up. I have really short legs so where talking about 2 inches of leeway between cute and hooker. and in reference to the soap dispenser, a kid from the grocery store was helping me out with my groceries the last summer and he unlocked my car and turned the key twice WHICH UNLOCKED ALL THE DOORS from any door not just the front passenger door! I bought the car new in 1998 and did not know of this miracle until Junior showed me. I guess reading manuals isn’t necessarily for sissies.
DebbieJo- (Hi, DebbieJo!) Oh, we were “smart” – Gary and I found out we didn’t know how to unlock the trunk of the Mini about ten minutes after we bought the car. We just turned around and asked at the service center. BUT it was five years before I found out the windows on my new house tilted in for cleaning. A friend showed me. (“Do they tilt in?” “I dunno.”)
I was in my 20’s, and all about the sexy underwear. Actually, I’m still about the sexy underwear, but now have the most un-sexy of support hose to deal with.
It tickles me that when mini-skirts first hit the scene, going bare-legged would have been SUPER SHOCKING.
Tami – What do I love about this? I show my stupidity, and the commenters all nod and politely change the subject to lingerie.