My New Scheme

I have a new scheme, a money-making scheme.

I think everyone is aware of how Fung Shui “works” – it focuses the user what he or she wants. Every time you see the fish in your Financial Success Bagua, you think “Why is there a fish tank my kitchen – oh, it’s for good luck with money.” And so you focus on money. At least, when you are in the kitchen. And probably when you’re hungry.

I just watched the Bullshit aromatherapy episode and imagined people saying, “What is that smell – oh, that’s right, citrus, that’s supposed to make me more alert. Gotta wake up!” or be relaxed, or make money I assume.

So, fung shui and aromatherapy take care of sight and smell as money-making avenues to remind people what they want to focus on. So … taste, touch and hearing. Taste is so transient, I don’t know if it would be effective as a bogus life influence. I’m skipping taste. Feel free to make your own taste scheme to con the masses.

Touch – well, I suppose a masseuse could produce a variety of deep massages, and advertise, “come get my specialized Family Bonding massage.” That massage would be no different from the Financial Independence or Revitalized Sex Drive massage; when you feel the aching muscles you’d be reminded that you hurt because of your devotion to family or money or sex, and you’d pay special attention to your family or money or sex.

Hearing would be easy. Have you seen Denny’s Rockstar “menu?” Denny’s has renamed menu items after Rascal Flatts, Gym Class Heroes, Good Charlotte and Sum 41. (Some bands I know lend their name to ice cream.) So it wouldn’t be too hard to convince a band to put out a collection of CDs, one for each focus. “Songs to Make Money By.” You pop it in your car CD player, listen to it on the way to work, and then later you think, “Why is The Girl From Ipanema stuck in my head? Huh,” (then, subconsciously) “Fifty dollars for a PILLOW! Never!” Rascal Flatts Brings You Songs to Center Your Chi By.