Today’s stupidity is brought to you by the letters “L” and “N”. (That joke never works unless you say it out loud. I’m “LNSku-mid-it” on Twitter, and if you found me on Twitter I’m sorry, I suck. And I am stupid.)
I’m going to be specific and honest (no!) and, without going to Wikipedia, I’m going to type verbatim the conversation I had with Gary last night. Then and only then will I find out the facts. Then I will add footnotes and I will indicate if our statements are wrong and I won’t delete any, I swear. Either Gary and I will look like morons (highly possible) or this will be quite a boring blog post.
Gary asked, “Do you think the experimental drug could be contributing to this weird swelling, you know, down there?”
“Well, I guess, maybe? They say it works by trapping leukocytes in your lymph nodes. Maybe I have lymph nodes down there.” 1
“No, you don’t. The lymph nodes are on your neck and armpits.” 2
“Maybe those are the only ones the doctor feels. Maybe it would be awkward for the doctor to feel the lymph nodes in my pants.”
“No, all your lymph nodes are in the upper half of your body.3 Think about it. The lymph system works by gravity.4 It’s not like there’s a pump moving the contents through your body. There are valves that keep it from all puddling at the bottom” 5
“Yeah, what’s in the lymphatic system? What’s the real name of lymphatic fluid? It isn’t ‘lymph juice.’” 6
“Ahahahahahah. ‘Lymph juice.’ No, pus is what flows in the lymphatic system.” 7
“So it’s a bunch of tubes that run parallel to your bloodstream?” 8
“Yes. And the pus just kind of sloshes into your blood when you need it.” 9
“My Dad had dye shot into his lymph system when he had Hodgkin’s. I guess lymphoma is cancer of the lymph system.10 Now that I think about it … aren’t there seven systems? Is there even a lymph system?” 11
“We don’t know anything about the lymph system, hon.”
Well, let’s see:
1,2 and 3 Lymph nodes are found mainly in the chest, neck, armpit, pelvis and groin. Gary is wrong, I am right. However, that balance of power soon changes.
4 Contractions of the skeletal muscles. Gravity makes more sense to me.
5 Dead on.
6 Nope. It’s a substance. Called “Lymph.”
7 Wrong. Pus comes from bone marrow.
8 Well…it looks more like a web of green channels that run between the red arteries and the blue veins.
9 I’ll be damned. This is true. In the conversation I almost said “osmosis,” I swear, I almost used the exact word.
10 It seems like the problem starts in the lymphatic system.
11 Yep, it’s a system, and it includes your thymus and adenoids and spleen too.
Hmph. Ended up being surprisingly accurate and I’m afraid, boring. But the strong of heart can go on past the link and see the current state of my pelvis.
Health Update about most of the complaints I have had recently : I have a … say it with me …
BLA! DDER! IN! FEC! TION!
A tricky one, this one. No pain. Sneaky. Just a bunch of bacteria swimming around and giving me mild fevers.
Yesterday during the day of the doctors the MS nurse read my list of “possible side effects” of the experimental drug and immediately said I had a bladder infection and possibly a kidney infection.
So I went to the gynie and the bladder infection’s a definite, the kidney infection’s a probable, and we don’t know yet what the deal is with the lumpy blood-seeping crotch, oh except it ISN’T Vulvar varicose veins, thank you Jesus and whatever Saint is in charge of the Vagina. So swabs were scrubbed and cultures have been sent. (And the gynie was nice enough to thank me for not cleaning up. It seems he needs to see the evidence.)
6 responses to “1) This is How Stupid I Am PLUS 2) Health Update”
Is there really a Saint of the Vagina? I may have to start praying again.
^^ funny post
Wow, already feeling so much like sheite you don’t notice a bladder infection. I am sooo sorry.
Freshly squeezed grapefruit juice and cranberry is the bomb. Add a little vanilla vodka (or regular if the vanilla is too sweet for you) and it makes a damn fine drink that will help you forget your problems, until tomorrow.
Sending your cooter my very best wishes for a speedy recovery
I was surprised to find I had a bladder infection a few months ago. I had no symptoms. Germs are getting sneakier.
I do hope the culture shows something simple, like acne of the doohickey.
P.S. – What link? Did I miss something?
Candy – Saint Vitalis of Assisi. I am not making that up. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitalis_of_AssisiSurprising Woman – Nothing is too sweet. Just hoping it isn’t cancer of the cooter.~~Silk – Or, maybe the tests are getting easier to read. Oh, if you are reading through Bloglines it shows you the whole thing without a jump link. It was so delicate people coming straight to the page could elect not to see the current Cooter Status.
Are you sure the Genitalia Saint isn’t Saint Peter? 😉
Meredith – HaHAH!