I had my annual review today.
I had an entire French Silk pie for dinner.
Draw your own conclusions.
Were there tears? At the review? Of course. There are always tears at a review. If it’s a good review I cry because I hear no constructive criticism. (That was about 7 years ago, though.) If it’s a bad review I cry from the feeling of wholesale failure. And frankly I always cry because I am being reviewed. Wrap me in brown paper, weigh me, and slap on a price sticker. Mene, mene, tekel u-pharsin.
What strikes me now is that since Mom is gone there are few people whose good opinion I care about. Most people are like blog trolls to me: Yes, I am self-absorbed. Why yes, I am lazy. Killing lobsters is not funny (even though none you said that)? Eh, well, I disagree. I have no friends and family? Once again, I am afraid you are mistaken. People are either right or wrong. If you are right, I already know it, if you are wrong, well, I dismiss you.
I think that’s what threw me this time is I heard someone say something I didn’t know, something true I hadn’t berated myself for. I was unprepared.
The pie? Oh God it was a good pie. And Gary had half, really. And I guess at least my team leader will be prepared next time. Thank God I didn’t actually sob, I was able to limit my outburst to long shaky breaths and tears in the corners of my eyes.
Does anyone else cry at reviews, good or bad?
20 responses to “Dinner Pie”
Not in general, I’ve not cried at a review. I’ve gotten wet around the lashes when I’ve been screamed at, but that’s only happened once (the screaming).
However, there’s something to be said for not trying to please the world. Question for clarity — were you saying that Queen Mum’s passing took away one person whose good opinion you wanted, or her death reduced your desire for a good opinion from most people?
Also, the omniscience you have. That’s daunting.
Sherri – Sorry, she was the one whose good opinion I wanted. Omniscience? Eh, you are wrong.
I only cry at work when I get in trouble and that’s usually because I’m REALLY mad.I once got an awesome review and since I will never have a boss that good again, I will never have a review like that again either. So they’ll all be “sucky”. They just better give me my 2% raise. Or my other suggestion is to leave before review time which has worked the last 3 companies.
1. I have never even met you and now I am all pissed off at your boss for making you cry.
2.On omniscience: you have made me laugh AND cry AND yell out How True! all alone in a room late at night.
3. Erm, perhaps I should just mention…..in One True Thing…..(whisper: “the mom dies”)… so maybe wait a while longer.
I do the tear up thing and then run straight to the ladies room as soon as I am dismissed.But, kudos on the pie choice. I can get behind a gal who chooses pie over cake.
I am often wrong, except when I’m not, and then it’s good for the annoyance factor. 🙂
If I have a review that’s good, I feel angry that they don’t respect me enough to be honest with me and someone is just waiting for the right moment to stab me in the back, and if I have a review that’s bad I say, “what about all those good reviews I got for the last 12 months?” but secretly conclude that they’re right and everybody thinks I suck and I wake up the next morning with a lump in my gut because I know in my heart that I’m bad at my job.
I have never cried at a review.What is it that made you cry at yours?
I’ve never cried in a review. I did cry regularly every time I met with one boss, but I got laid off before she could review me. Worked out well… I went straight to the job where we met.
1. When I was in nursing school, once every semester, during the semseter review with my professor, I would always have a breakdown. It was a horrible, snot bubble, heaving chest, sobbing kind of breakdown. Every semester, like clock work. I was always embarrassed and felt such deep embarrassment and horrible embarrassment. But, looking back, I had never ever done anything as stressful as going to school and becoming a nurse. I had never strived to achieve anything like that before. And dammit, it made me more aware of how to process my emotions, how to handle stress, how to have a breakdown and feel good about it. 2. As a nurse, well, you can be yelled at by doctors and nurses alike. There were cries there too. No heaving sobs but feeling all demeaned and belittled. I now see this kind of thing for what it was, that no matter the level of education or level of position one achieves in society, if you are an asshole and a bully, you will still be an asshole and a bully. 3. But, all of this, all of this causes me to strive for a balance in hearing constructive criticism. To realize where I am in life (age 33) and my professional development (as a nurse I am seven years old, a nurse practitioner-I am a toddler). As such, I take the criticism in terms of this developmental frame. And I don’t take it personally and have learned to drop the perfectionist standards I have had for myself. I am human and have adverse personality traits and work habits. Hopefully my awesomeness (caring, commitment to my patients, relaxed and happy attitude) will override the stupid non-productive stuff. And hopefully, there will be no more tears. :)go lobsters!!
I usually get laid off before a review. Yeah, I cry. Oh and I get depressed and think a lot about killing myself. No tears, though.
Wait…I just said I cried and then I said I didn’t. Oh, just never mind.
I have never cried at a review. I have cried at work out of frustration or anger, but never in front of the boss with the payroll paperwork on his/her desk.Oh, wait. One did make me cry. She said I never stick up for myself. Then again, we all know that she was a bitch to work for.This year, no tears. My reviewer was apologetic that he couldn’t give me more money and estatic about my performance to date. It was quite a shock.I’ll be happy to give you my opinion of you but, unless I withhold the pie to get you to listen, I doubt you will actually care.BTW, killing lobsters is hysterical. Especially if we get them to ride the Roomba first.
OK, I might pay money to see a lobster ride a Roomba!
.75 – See, you need a blog so you can just show your side of the story when you get mad.Crystal – Thank you – if it hadn’t loasted over an hour I could have tolerated it.gaoo – Oh, so no One True Thing at GNO. Thanks for the Heads up.Sherri – When all this “omniscience” talk started, I re-read this becuase I didnt get what people were talking about. And by “If you are right, I already know it” I mean specifically “are right about something about me.” I think I can claim to know everything about me. I don’t like it, but I know it.TasterSpoon – Yeah! Yeah, that’s how I feel. Essentially, I just hate being loooked at, much less evaluated. I almost cried during the positive part of the review, too. I have Review Anxity Disorder, thats what’s wrong.Melissa – Oh, specifically? Ive been having trouble with a project, and she pointed out I always have trouble with every project and it’s strange. So then she looked at the project and said, “Oh! Here’s whats wrong. It’s your interpersonal realtionship issues.” And she was right. I think perhaps if I hadn’t shown her my weakest work right before a review she might have been vauger.Caroline – I am very glad you were laid off from previous job.Mrs Hall – As to point Number one – yep, this is the first annual review after changing jobs in alomost 20 years. Becs – I really thought a LOT more people would be with me on this one.Hot Mom – You know, I was trying to think of other things people kill immediately before eating. You know, maybe for a side dish. Can’t think of anything besides seafood. Why don’t they have fish in the tank at Red Lobster?.75 – I think we might have to duct tape them on.
Vauger?
Melissa – yeah, that looked wrong to me too, but I’m sick. More vague? Ohhhh … vaguer?
Given that I have been reviewed by the same individual, you are not an anomoly. She has that effect on people. I’d rather stick forks in my eyes than work for her again. in the words of my occasionally-wise dad: keep your chin up and your nose down. 🙂
Queen – That’s true. I can’t go on Twitter or FB and go off on my company. But it usually is my fault. I just don’t have patience for idiots.
FTDS – It’s not her, it’s me. Shes only 1/20th of all the job reviews Ive had and Ive cried at almost all of them..75 – I like idiots. They make me look good.