I call shenanigans on Cupcake Wine.
Gary spotted it first.
I ran up to the display first.
“Eeeee! A wine that tastes like cupcakes!” Then we grabbed the Merlot and the Chardonnay.
The label said some lying lies about how it was a sweet wine with a distinct creamy vanilla taste, overtones of citrus, with a hint of spice.
No. IT TASTED LIKE WINE. And wine tastes like stomach acid.
I really tried to believe. I drank a glass of the Chardonnay and repeated, “I DO taste vanilla, I do I do I do – ” and I did not.
However, I washed it down with a glass of Riverboat Red. “I do detect a hint of Welch’s grape juice with a sugary finish,” I thought, and I was right.
What do people see in wine? I want to like it. Cool people drink wine. People come to work and discuss wine. They taste their wines and detect blueberries. I taste bile. I am about to give up. Plus, I’ve now had three glasses of Riverboat Red and my head hurts.
I think someone needs to call the Truth in Labelling people. You shouldn’t be able to call it Cupcake Wine unless it tastes like cupcakes.
21 responses to “Cupcake Whine”
I feel the same way. But yet I continue to buy wine in the hopes that some day I too will be sophisticated enough to enjoy it.
You need to start small – cook with wine, first. Pan fry some sort of meat, then take the meat out of the pan, add a pat of butter and pour some wine once around the pan. Use a spatula to scrape the crap off the bottom of the pan, the butter and wine make it easy. Cook it down a little (medium heat), until it looks something like sauce. If it never gets to looking like sauce (give yourself a 10 minute limit), add a little milk, cream, or sprinkle a tiny bit of flour in. Pour this over your meat. Eat food with wine sauce for a while, then start having a sip or two of wine with the meal, and then one day, it tastes less like a punishment and more like something that’s making your food even better. Is it worth all that effort? I have no idea, but I’m completely addicted to wine sauces, now.
Have you tried Manishevitz – it’s like grape juice! :9
Yeah, I’ve worked my way up VERY SLOWLY from super cheap Kool-aid wines to more expensive and tastier stuff. But I can’t handle most reds (the tannen flavors drive me crazy and make me want to shave the hair off my tongue), so I stick to reislings.Still, wine is a developed taste, like Brussel Sprouts or snoots. Not everyone is going to like it.However, if you want a more cupcaky wine, shell out the bucks for one of the Ice Wines (several varieties come out of the Niagra area). I have friends who are crazed for this stuff, but I always want to pour it over pound cake to cut the sweetness. It’s like wine syrup.
Get thee on a plane to Paris. When you get into the city, stop at the first little grocery store you come to and buy a bottle of 2000 Bordeaux if you can find it. If not, a 2005 Bordeaux. Go back to your hotel room and open it. A couple of hours later, drink. It is liquid velvet, it is satin, it is the wine you always heard people talking about but never understood until this very moment.Wine in Paris for about six euros a bottle was such an eye-opener for me. Or go to a cafe, plop down in a chair on the pavement and ask the waiter for “une verre de bordeaux” and be astonished.Do it. Now. Go on. I’m waiting. Go on.
Sherri – are you drinking California reds? Or even (shudder) NY state reds? Stop. Those are the tannins that give you hangovers and an acid stomach. I hear that Argentine reds are good and aren’t nearly as dear as French reds. But honestly? Only the French know how to make wine. The Italians and Spanish follow a distant second. Find a good wine shop that has tastings. Find somebody you trust and you can slowly build up a nice little selection of what you love.
I’m with you. I don’t care what some wine drinking postwhores say, wine tastes like bad vinegar. I’ll stick with vodka, thanks.
If you really want to learn about wine then buy the game “Winerd” available on Amazon for a decent price. I think it’s up to four people, you open three bottles of wine (Dr. Sexy and I like to use three of the same varietals but that can be pretty tough to tell the difference between them so you could do a Cab Sauv and a Merlot and a Syrah) You do a taste test of all three wines and write down notes on the color, bouquet and taste. The bottles get put in another room and you start playing the game. The questions run from super simple to waaay hard but they are all fun. If you get your question correct then you move forward on the board. At certain points on the board there is a blind taste test spot and someone will go and get you a wine sample while you review your notes. You turn your notes over when they return and try to guess the wine, vintage and region. Dr. Sexy and I use a die to help decide which wine to get for the testing. We number the bottles 1/4,2/5 and 3/6 and we let the roll of the die decide which will be tasted. It’s just easier that way.It’s a lot of fun if you want to learn. Wine for Dummies is a pretty good book to start with too. Wine is an acquired taste though. and wine can be and expensive habit to acquire, much more expensive than brussel sprouts or snoots. *wink*
Becs, California wines actually beat french wines in many a blind taste test. Especially since California is learning about their own terroir. Dr. Sexy and I really like the Columbia Crest Grand Estates wine from Washington as well. That is one benefit of being closer to the west coast. We miss most of the BNL love but we are really close to some GREAT wines.
I recently had to buy a bottle of wine for a new recipe. All I know was that the recipe said “dry white wine”. I go to the store, find the whites, and look for the best name. “HRM Rex Goliath” Giant 47 Pound Rooster. Perfect! I haven’t had it yet, but I’m hoping it is good.
Becs, there is a single red wine from where I no longer remember, served to me by my wine snob friends, that I can drink happily. ONE. Of EVERY red wine I’ve tasted, there is ONE I will drink. It had NONE of that tongue scraping, omigod is that charcoal horror taste. It was, of course, expensive and probably imported, but there ain’t no more around here. There is also a hard-to-find red reisling-style wine that I’m very fond of. Again, none of that around here. Was a good ‘with food’ wine, not that I really care at this point in my life. Wine with pizza? I’m good.I just don’t trust red wines. When it doubt, vodka and cranberry juice works fine 🙂
Ya know, it’s a good thing wines DON’T taste like the things they are named after. I mean — Yellow tail? Three Lizards? Moose Lodge? YECH!
You’re such a cheap drunk.I can’t drink much wine, either. I can nurse one glass all night when I’m at an event where it’s the norm to have wine, and even then I’ll have at least 1/2 glass left at the end of the evening.
Wine isn’t for everyone. I love wine, but I don’t expect other people to have the same opinion. I suggest you try scrumpy instead! I have become a scrumpy pusher!
Rayleen – Yes! I wanna be sophisticated! Usually I can fake it, but not with wine. Tami – I tried making wine sauces once, but they were just too intense for me. I think I was adding too much wine. That’s a good recommendation, though. I do have like five bottles of wine I need to do something with..75 – It was either Mogen David or Manisldkjfoiasdhgditz. Marcia gave it to me. (It was Elijah’s and we wouldn’t let her pour it down the sink when he didn’t come.)Sherri – Hey! I think I’ve heard about ice wines before. See, this is when I need to taste some wines at dinner. We do have a restaraunt where you can taste three wines – maybe it’s time to visit 1111 Mississippi.Becs – Dont California wines have to have those extras the FDA requires them to have? The stuff that causes headaches? Crystal (Bratcw) – Or, a rebellious fish!SurprisingWoman – Winerd sounds like a great gift for someone else. Sherrypg – The 10 dollar wine blog says it tastes like oak. What the hell does that even mean? It’s like a code I don’t know. http://10dollarwine.blogspot.com/2006/07/rex-goliath-giant-47-pound-rooster.htmlSherri – I mistakenly trust red wines because Mogen David and Maniwhatervitzer are red and sweet. And names? “Giant 47 Pound Rooster” – case in point.Caroline – Yes, but you aren’t a faux sophisticate like I am. Wine fits my facade.Faythe – I just did some research and I can get scrumpy cider at Llewelyns pub in the Central West End.
I have had good wine, cheap wine, gone to wine tastings, been to France and had wine and I still hate it all. Stomach acid is probably harsh though. I am inclined to think people who say they like wine say it just to say it. That may not be fair, but it is how I feel. We do cook with it a lot though. I make a mean scallop dish with a wine sauce. Burning off the alcohol changes everything.
Are you calling me bald-faced unsophisticate?
There’s a sweet red made from a winery here in Texas, Llano Estacado. It’s called “Sweet Red.” I know. But it’s yummy and I’m not a wine person either but I wish I was! Anyway. I know I haven’t been to visit in awhile, sorry about that. BUT. I just found out that BNL split with the singer so I wanted to come convey my condolences since I know they’re important to you. How are you doing?
Zayrina – I’m going to have to try this cooking with wine thing. Caroline – No, just a genuine sophisticateAutumn – I will keep my eye out for Sweet Red. And yeah, thanks for your condolences. I am sad. I am trying to imagine a more positive future.
Cooking with wine tastes great, and allows you to use up the wine you don’t ever want to actually drink. Win-win.
Tami – Do you have to be more particular with the wine? Does a “better” wine make a “better” sauce? And by better I mean expensive.