There is a church in my town that is so desperate for God’s attention they have a searchlight. It isn’t a “LOW LOW DEALS” pivoting searchlight – it’s more like the searchlights they put out at the World Trade Center Site every 9/11.
Picture one beam of this:
… coming out of a church. Gary dearly wants to paint the Bat Signal on it; he went as far as parking in their lot in order to case the joint.
As you can imagine, This Little Light of Theirs has inspired hatred in the community. I have no idea what the church is called, because everyone has a pet name for the landmark: “… not as far as the Jay-zus Beam Church,” “… behind the UFO Lighthouse,” “… just past Those Searchlight Assclowns.”
I know Friend #4 has the background on the church / community kerfuffle, she says enough people complained that they dialed down the searchlight. It’s just as bright and just as annoying, but at least now they don’t have it on every single night. They shut it down nights church isn’t in session. It’s a Baptist church, so … that would be Tuesday.
I can’t pinpoint why this church so annoys Gary and me. I usually love attention whores, and clearly Gary does too. I’d applaud a gay nightclub with a sky-brushing Phallus of Light. But when our travels take us past this church, we ritually shake our fists at it. (We also shake our fists at the State Farm office a block away, at the Wal-Mart, and a Steak-n-Shake where we had some cold fries.) People who advertise their religion don’t bother me, I’m cool with all the Hasidic Jews I’ve met, or I would be if I’d ever seen one.
I think my issue is that the beacon is the modern-day equivalent of a steeple – only it’s just too grand. I wonder if a heathen shook her fist at the first church steeple just because it ruined the view. And reminded her she isn’t going to church.
15 responses to “Nanananananananana Bat Churrrch!”
It could be worse: http://www.alittleleaven.com/2007/05/giant_jesus_sta.html
~~Silk – the BNL Cruise board has discussed what they call “Big Butter Jesus” – notice the cross on his lap is not to scale.
Pier One has the same thing going on here in Fort Worth. Folks around here thought it was a waste of energy and just added more light to our already light polluted sky.
Oh goodie! A blog about gay nightclubs. 🙂
Jessicafantastica – Okay, let me just say Pier 1 has lighting issues. The last time I was there I had to go tell the manager I was leaving and never coming back because I couldnt take the police interrogation lighting inside..75 – I’ll bet you anything there is a whole blog out there somewhere about gay nightclubs.
I would like to repent for lying to the Florida Power guy in Orlando in 1989. The street lamp just outside my house went out – it had been like Nazi searchlights before, it was so effing bright.I ran out to the guy who was repairing the lamp and said, “Oh, please don’t replace that light! Please! It goes right into the baby’s room and keeps her and me up all night!”I figured it would get more mileage than “It annoys the living hell out of me.”So the guy fixed the lamp so it wouldn’t shine on my house. Sweet.
Becs – Oh, repent! You who not only lied to the Florida Power guy but you USED your imaginary BABY to do it.
Cold fries can’t compete with getting cold chili at Wendy’s and when you complain the manager comes out and sticks his finger in it only to exclaim, “Huh, I guess we forgot to plug it in this morning.” Then offered to microwave it for you. Ew.
The only thing the heathens shake their fists at is each other. I would never allow them to shake their fists at a church. That would be rude.
I shake my fist when I pass WalMart, too! Except when I need to pick up toilet paper.The light reminds me less of Batman and more of the Luxor, and I have to say, seeing that Luxor light when I’m landing excites me much more than does seeing any of the other hotels. This combination of pyramids, religion and public spectacles reminded me of this article I saw yesterday:http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/11/washington/11sect.html?bl&ex=1226638800&en=f24a9509e53ce37f&ei=5087
Amyin StL – Ewwwww. I mean, mine or Gary’s finger, that’s one thing, but a strange finger? Ug.HotMom – You could teach them to mutter “bastards” every time they saw a church.TasterSpoon – Luxor? I must look this up. So it’s a hotel? It seems much more appropriate for a hotel thn a church.
I can’t believe I almost missed this thanks to my spotty wireless connection lately!I vote at this church. That much wattage can’t be good for making sound judgments.
Caroline – Since when does sound judgment have anything to do with church?
I was actually referring to voting, but I’m not sure judgment applies to that these days either.
Caroline – It is true, I would have voted for a hamster this year if the Dems ran one. Instead they ran the Coolest Man On Earth. Nyah!