This is a second-hand account. Only Gary was there, but as you can imagine, he describes things so thoroughly and enthusiastically I feel as if I were.
Gary was walking briskly through the hall at work when his blackberry rang.
“Hello, this is Gary S______.”
“What is your emergency?” the voice on the blackberry asked.
“Huh?”
“What is your emergency, sir?” said the urgent and somewhat pissed voice.
“I don’t know what -“
“You called 911, sir.”
“No, I didn’t, you called me.”
“We couldn’t make contact with you, so we returned your call.”
Now, Gary’s pants have made numerous calls to me using the Blackberry in his pocket. When Gary checked his Blackberry, he found that indeed he had activated some crisis password-bypass 911 dialer on his main screen.
(I was sympathetic when I heard this, because the first year 911 was implemented I accidentally called them. I was in high school at my friend Vanessa’s slumber party. We were calling what was essentially an answering machine called “Egg Basket.” People could call in with cryptic questions or just listen to the recorded questions. We were calling in with “What does a navel look like from the inside?” on a broken rotary phone. That’s why 921-EGGS turned into 911-EGGS and a nice group of police officers showed up at our slumber party. I’m sure they still think we were pranking them.)
Gary explained to the 911 lady about his lonely blackberry making crank calls. She told him not to do it again.
When I heard this story, I thought,”Yeah, good luck, lady. ‘Don’t do it again.’ You’re on the pants’ speed dial now.”
Right now I am fighting the urge to call his Blackberry and say, “Is it safe? Is it SAFE, sir?”
8 responses to “In Which Gary Has an Emergency In His Pants”
I have a Blackberry Curve, and it came with a little leather holder that prevents it from making calls when I carry it in my bag or pocket. When I can clip it onto something, I use a special holster with a magnetic clip that turns the thing off. My previous Blackberry had a similar cover. Crackberry addicted friends years into their sicknesses also use covers/holders for their otherwise willful phones.So, either Gary lost his crank call preventing holder (I think it makes the Blackberry feel all cuddly and loved) or he secretly LIKES blaming his pants for the crank calls. I bet he’s secretly hoping to accidentally dial Bush’s personal phone while having a fart attack.Come on, Gary, just ‘fess up. Admitting the problem is the first step to solving it.But seriously, get a cover. The police take that crank dialing 911 thing very seriously, and Gary would not do well in the local jail waiting for you to stop laughing long enough to bail him out. I bet the pictures, though, would be EPIC.
I really want to make fun of people with fancy phones (cause I don’t have one) but I’m sure at some point I will end up getting one (because ALL phones will be that fancy someday) so I am going to refrain in advance from being a hypocrite.I can at least hope I am one of the last people who can email from their phone!
When I was married to the EX2B we bought a sectional sofa that consisted of a sofa end and 2 recliners with a built in end table with a phone, also built in. Every once in a while when I sat down it would call 911. I was, incidentally, much thinner then so I am not sure why it needed help when I sat down.I was afraid to fart while sitting on it for fear HAZMAT would show up.
I don’t know about blackberries, but my phone has a feature where if you dial 9 and wait it eventually calls 911 for you. I disabled this feature for exactly this reason. Of course it’s always possible that Gary had something offensive for lunch and that was the pants pitiful cry for help!
Sherri – He had a holster he wore a while. Maybe I’ll get him a cuddler..75 – If you leave the “sent from my iPhone” message someday I will not ride your ass.Zayrina – That sofa sounds awesome. Damn. Did it have a built in microwave?Amy in StL – Since you said this I am so curious to see what happens on my iPhone when I dial 9.
In the industry, those are called “butt calls”. No lie.
This, this is why I come to your blog. Thank you Queen…and thank you Gary’s pants.
Carrie in MN – (Hi Carrie!) That is great to know! “Gary, tell your butt to quit calling me.”Autumn – I thank you, and Gary’s pants thank you.