Wives, if you ever want your husbands to talk incessantly, all you have to do is put on your slinky pjs and robe, lie in bed next to him and say “Let’s just lie here and cuddle.” He will twitch and vibrate and talk and throw off sparks of energy.
Then the dog will jump up and chew on his bone until he looks directly at your husband and kicks the bone off the bed. Then your husband will hop up and get the bone. Repeat the kick / fetch process thirty minutes.
Get up and go into the other bed and fall asleep until the opening bars of Stan Kenton’s West Side Story jerks you awake. Oh, and then your husband will play the Dean Martin CD he just bought for his Dad’s birthday and come in with the dog and dance with the dog to “That’s Amore.”
But, no. No, it isn’t.
14 responses to “Marital advice”
Let’s see – the dog slobbers on a bone and gets attention. Um, it works for me, too….
Oh hell, and here I went and got married today. What a waste of time because married sounds just as silly as unmarried was.
Try it when he’s tired. Or mention to him in advance that you’d like to do it. Men are very simple creatures. 🙂
I’m going to giggle all day over this one ….
And here I was thinking that it’s soooo sad to be single. Not.
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear your husband is a woman. Maybe start slipping some testosterone in his Starbucks?
ZAYRINA! YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?Well, congratulations anyway. *sloppy non-lesbian hugs*
I didn’t tell anyone we were going to do it.
Silk – Ha. Nasty girl.Zayrina – (Keeping mouth shut because she suspects this is a practical joke.)Soloman Broad – How far in advance? Like, a week in advance?Calamity Jane (Hi Jane!) – Giggle at my pain, go ahead.Becs – Hell no, especially your type of single, which is a lot of prospects.Hot Mom – We do have some DHEA stuff I bought by accident … Jammies – What? It’s true?Zayrina – Really? Squee!
It’s twue, it’s twue!
Hey, congrats, Zayrina!
Congratulations Zayrina. But where the hell was my invite? Hmmn?
Congratulations Z, from Wisconsin. Dear Queen, you are NOT boring. I read you everyday.
Congrats, Zayrina! Getting married isn’t a bad thing. I did it myself 6 months ago today. Best of luck to you!