Gary: “Auuughghgh! Come look at this!”
Ellen: “Auuughghgh!”
Gary: “Auuughghgh! That is GREAT!”
Ellen: “Auuughghgh!”
Gary: “That HAS to go on your blog!”
Ellen: “The hell it does!”
Gary: “Are you kidding? This is GREAT! This is amazing.”
Ellen: “No. This is gross.”
Gary: “This is like … like … like a monolith!”
Ellen: “What are you doing – no! Not the camera! You are sick. This is sick!”
Gary: “I need to get the lighting just right.”
Ellen: “Seriously, I’m not putting a picture of that on my blog. That is sick. And people will think I’m perverted. And that I have no control, in my own house, and that we should never be permitted to have children.”
Gary: “YOU HAVE TO!”
Ellen: “Really, I already talk too much about that on my blog. People will think I’m obsessed.”
Gary: YOU HAVE TO YOU HAVE TO!”
So, fine, I have to. If you are not at work, and you have a strong stomach, and if you will not report me to the authorities, and if you think Gary has even remotely good taste and want to be completely disabused of that notion, then DON’T CLICK THE OLD LINK BECAUSE IT IS UNEXPECTEDLY PERVERTED, BUT INSTEAD [CLICK THIS LINK] Link removed.*
But don’t blame me. Because I told you not to. In fact, I beg you, don’t click that link. Unless you are a fourteen year old boy. Seriously, don’t click it. And don’t get a dog. Really.
* UPDATE! Gary came home today and took one look at that image on the giant 24″ monitor and called me screaming, “AUUUUGGHGHGGHH! I HAD NO IDEA IT LOOKED LIKE THAT! THAT”S PERVERTED!” He says it was the high-resolution on the big screen that made him aware of the phallic properties of the poo sculpture. So, we have swapped it out for a photo of vertical (!) dog poo that is more in shadow and less anatomically correct. Sigh. Hidey-ho.
FURTHER UPDATE: It is now 2025, and WordPress is my new BlogMaster, and the image has been deemed 403 FORBIDDEN.
27 responses to “A Post Under Protest”
Gary must be SO VERY proud!
Connie – Oh, dear. I hope it’s clear that the dog did it, not Gary. I think I need to add another line just to clarify.
OMFG. Ya know, you kids give me hope. Hope that is, that I am not really as strange as I think I am. One time, many years ago, my ex produced a turd of astronomical proportions. It was huge and about 2 foot long, and was passed in one piece. For some reason, youthful stupidity I assume had some influence in the decision, we decided to photograph it. This was prior to digital photography being very common, so it had to be sent off for development. We got it back, along with very odd looks at the drugstore and after laughing ourselves senseless over how it turned out, we put it away. At some point later we moved. We had the assistance of church members in that move. The turd pic, long forgotten by us, was found by the wife of one of the elders. She handed it to me with a look I can’t possibly describe. The floor stubbornly refused to open up and swallow me.Turd pics are best destroyed, for they will come back to haunt you.
Zayrina – but…but…it was a dog turd. (Really. I swear. Gary is afraid of his own poo and won’t even look at it before he flushes.) Still, great story. Thank god I have no church elders to condemn me.
Well, he did get the lighting just right, I’ll give him that.
You warned me, and yet I clicked. That is all I’m saying.
ditto sue… ditto.
Resisting…the urge…to click…on the link…resisting…the urge…to click…on the link…
When I first read the post, I felt sure you were describing something Gary had deposited. After re-reading, I realized that it would be ok to click the link as it was only dog poo and not Gary poo.
I would brag about my ability to resist the link, but the fact is that I see enough real dog poo that I can live without virtual same.Your Majesty, any time you’d like to be rid of your hubby for a weekend, please feel free to send him on a photographic safari to my back yard, where amazing monoliths await him (oh, and he’d better bring a tent, too, ‘cos if he’s gonna photograph that, he’s gonna sleep outside).
That’s too funny! I wonder how your dog learned that trick?
I did not click the link. I think I have learned enough about Gary to know I did not want to click the link. I, too, have seen plenty of poo-de-canine, and need no pictoral glorifications of the same.He should get his own blog.
When I was reading the beginning of the post, I imagined it to be pornographic. By the end of the post, I had figure out it was poo. Only when I clicked on the link did I realize that it is pornographic poo.How did your dog DO that?
“Pornographic poo” That’s too funny Caroline! For the record, I knew that was a doggie deposit when I said “Gary must be so very proud”. I left that part out intentionally. But don’t tell Gary!
All – I can NOT believe he did this to me. He DEMANDS I post a picture that is so plainly a found penis, then, after I do, he comes after for me for being indelicate. Because vertical dog poo? Acceptable! But when it looks every bit like a circumsized penis with testicles (you MISSED it Catherine) suddenly you would think it was the Virgin Mary sculpted in scat. So, it has been replaced by a less pointed (hee) photo, because we have 10 photos of it over here. And study your heart before you click on the new one.
Having to shove my hand into a plastic bag to retrieve the fecal matter (and sometimes fecal sludge) left behind by my dog, I have decided to pass. (No pun intended.)
And furthermore, if this is in some way a sick taunting of poor, little asshole-less Casata, then shame on Gary.
Not for a venti, non-fat, two-Splenda latte.
Friend #3 – I know you would want to see the porn one, so here it is … [nope]
While cruising a catalog, I saw this, and immediately thought it might make Gary the Perfect Gift.
Sherri – I would like that book! I mentioned it to Gary and he promptly said “Gross. They’d have pictures of human poop.” “Uh, no, Gary, I don’t – ” “They would! Humans are animals! Gross!”
But I don’t really think anyone is trying to identify humans in the wild by their poop. Gary is, sometimes, inexplicable.No, make that most of the time.
Oh, if Gary heard you say that. “What? What? What about Planet of The Apes?”
I had to share this. This seemed to be a good place to do that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-WVC2JsJ9o
Zayrina – I swear to you, we have a fourth floor we go to when we need a little privacy. That was a riot! Have to remember that for Stand Up and Flush Day.
You’ve got porn!
Nuh-unh. Well, I did, but now it’s gone.