Here’s another myth. It is so satisfying to set the record straight. Again, I start with the facts, then tell you what the facts have twisted into after decades of re-tellings.
The Factual Basis for the Myth:
The first summer we were married, I made a menu or Gary’s favorite foods. He always gets both turkey legs at his parent’s Thanksgiving. Therefore, I cooked Gary a turkey leg. I cooked it a good three hours.
The Myth As Gary Tells It:
“Oh my God, when we were first married? Ellen served me a raw turkey leg! Raw! Blood was dripping out of it! Blood everywhere! Blood all over the walls! I tried to eat it, but I just couldn’t. I stuck it in the microwave for ten minutes and it still wasn’t done! Blood was dripping down my chin! I COULD HAVE DIED!”
More Factual Basis:
Okay, anyone who has roasted a fowl knows that sometimes the meat by the bone can be fully cooked yet retain a little pinkness. Plus, and this was the real issue, he encountered a vein. I have no proof, but I’m pretty sure Wilma goes through her turkeys and de-veins them. That way her delicate children can’t tell they are eating an animal.
What the Future Holds:
I am sure in a few decades I will have pinned Gary to the ground and forced a live turkey’s leg down his throat. Because I love.
Moral: Overcook everything the first few years of marriage. Or, be a vegetarian. Or, tie up your spouse and make him drink turkey blood so he can identify it.
10 responses to “The Mythology: The Turkey Leg Incident”
I was 19 when I tried to duplicate a stew my mom made that was so wonderful. The problem was that I had no clue about seasoning so I didn’t. Season it that is. Then boyfriend ate it all without complaint, tasteless glutch that it was. That’s love.
Gary shouldn’t be allowed to speak when you’re out in public bc that makes me want to vomit. Seriously, don’t let that man talk.
I often wonder about my husband. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good cook, but even when I make a mistake (YES, even good cooks DO make mistakes) and something comes out horrid, he’ll eat it. In his passive-agressive way, however, he’ll often avoid choosing that meal again. Ever.
Oh – didn’t you tell him you were initiating him into The Ceremony of Innocence?Is everybody in?
Zayrina – Even at 19 you were brave enough to cook without a recipe? Man!Autumn – I laugh at sentences that begin with “Don’t let him…” Like, what am I supposed to do? Beat him?Sue – I think you should just change the recipe name and serve it up again.Becs – I’m in! I have no idea what you are talking about, but I’m in.
OOOOoooo… I like how you think!
From an old Doors song (I think it’s The Lizard King):Is everybody in?Is everybody in?The ceremony of innocence is about to begin.And continues like a Baudelaire poem…only more menacing.
Sue – Or, you could just stop cooking, like I did.Becs – this is the second Baudelaire reference this summer. What’s up with everyone and the Baudelaire? God, I have so much research to do … The Doors and Baudelaire.
No no no…just stuff his mouth full of uncooked turkey legs 🙂
Autumn – He would overwhelm me with his superior strength.