I’ve told you about the nursing staff who share our office building floor, and our bathroom. Well, this past Thursday Caroline and I walked into the bathroom. Then we parted ways, closeted ourselves in our stalls, and all communication ceased, because I do not talk to people in the bathroom.
A pair of nurses walked in and one said loudly, “Oh my GOD it SMELLS in here!”
But for the grace of God, it was not me, but it could have been. (Oh, and on second reading, it was not Caroline, either. Just want to clarify.)
This is what I did not say, because I don’t talk in the bathroom:
“It’s a BATHROOM! What do you expect it to smell like? What does your stool smell like? Freshly baked cookies? Lavender and vanilla? Pinesol? How did you survive as a nurse? Did you tote bedpans and shove them under other nurse’s noses and shriek, “Smell this! OH It smells BAD! MY GOD SMELL THIS!”
Really, if I hear any of them saying that ever again I’m jumping out of my stall and giving her a swirly.
14 responses to “It is a Bathroom”
Hit any other floor’s ladies room, and it’s a walk through an English garden by comparison.To this day, I do not understand why they decided it would be a good idea to extend the women’s bathroom, switching it with the men’s room. I would have preferred waiting in line.I swear, the man smell is permanently bonded to the grout, and any female odors are the catalyst that releases man smell.
I have actually said something like that out loud at my old job, on behalf of a friend whose shoes I recognized in a stall. Okay, so she poo’d — but was it necessary for the other lady in the bathroom to comment? Bad manners! I felt bad for my friend and besides: HELLO? It’s a BATHROOM. What are you doing hanging around just to bellyache about it? Sheesh.
Ya shoulda yelled, “the one that smelt it dealt it!” That will learn those crass old nurses a thing or 2.Seriously, we do comment on the color, consistancy, size and odor of your poo while it is in the pan. We also write about it in your chart. Sometimes we make fun of you about it and say things like “Jesus! That turd is so big we ought to name it!” or “Holy farking cow, can you believe he passed that thing and didn’t scream?!”My poop, btw does not stink, but truly smells of fresh baked cookies. Honest.
Oh, and another perverted past time of mine is to stand outside of a one holer and wait till the door opens, then fan frantically with one hand hold my nose closed with the other and cough. I am so popular at work.
A swirly should indeed be your swift retribution. Let the punishment fit the crime.
I’d like to note that the nurse went on to discuss her upcoming surgery, related cyst and infection, and various other things that just don’t need to be overheard by strangers.I hope she has an understanding nurse at the hospital in case her poo starts to smell.And Ellen, thank you for pointing out that I was not the source of said foul odor.
Friend #3 – If I recall, you chased after me with a can of Lysol into your condo bathroom. Poor form, poor form.Erin G – Yeah! Miss Manners says you are to ignore all bathroom noises (and smells, I would imagine).Zayrina – Okay, there’s nurse in hospital rules, and nurse in a business office rules. You dont discuss the poop in front of patients, do you? Of course, the nurses outnumber us three to one, at least.SGazzetti – Yeah! And make her flush her own swirly with her own hand! Hah! That would be cruel.Caroline – Are you accusing the nurse of public TMI? Seriously? To ME? There is no such thing as TMI in my world.
Coming out of lurkdom to ask what a swirly is? I can’t help visualizing the water swirling in a flushed toilet and you jumping out of a stall, grabbing someone’s head and putting it in there. For the love of all things poopy, tell me that isn’t what a swirly is!
[quote]You dont discuss the poop in front of patients, do you?[/quote]I discuss poop with patients. I have to point out any flaws or problems with their poop or pooping action. Sometimes I have to take a cup to their room and get a specimen of poop. Usually the patient comes to me and says, “I can’t poop.” I provide the appropriate drugs to break up the log jam as it were.Old people,long retired, actually don’t have a lot to talk about, so they tend to talk about poop a lot. They talk to each other about poop too I have noticed, along with huge descriptions of giving birth and various surgeries. I promise, if you live to be 85, poop will be a common topic for you because it will be a problem for you and your peer group. Never take your youthful ability in this matter for granted. Remember, Elvis died trying….I wish, at times, I had chosen a profession which would have led me down a different conversational path in life.
I hope you’ll recall that at the time I ‘chased’ after you with a can of Lysol, you declared that you were having ‘issues’ of the gastro-enterological variety.WWED? :-P~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zayrina – Elderly folks must have a lot in common with 6-year-olds. My heathens love talkin’ about the poop too. Of course, for them it’s funny.Queen – You deserved the Lysol Chase. That was rank and you complained about it. Finally, of course it stinks in there. If we use air fresheners one of the nurses has an asthma attack. We can’t have that, it’s just not right.
JoyT (Hi!) – I’m SO glad you asked, because I learned even more about them from Wikipedia:”A swirlie (less commonly ‘swirly’) is a bullying or hazing ritual common to the United States, involving turning a victim upside down and forcing the victim’s head into a toilet bowl while the toilet is in mid flush. The head is usually only slightly immersed, as the intention is not to drown the victim, but rather to create the distinctive ‘swirl’” in the victim’s hair…In the UK, the swirlie is referred to as the bogwash. Many children moving up into secondary school fear the bogwash, but in practice it rarely happens.” There is no reference to the Canadian form. Evidently you don’t have them in Canada. Assuming you are from Canada, is ‘bogwash’ the term you use?Zayrina – Actually, my friend Carol the ICU nurse, once told me I was discussing poop before my time, and that my interest in it made me sound like an 80-year-old. Of course, at 80 I will be talking about sex, like my great-aunt.Friend #3 and Hot Mom – I cannot believe you remember the specifics of the event. Be quiet.
No. Bogwash isn’t used here in Canada. Not that I’ve heard anyway. I asked my husband if he knew what a swirly was and he said “Oh ya, that’s where you lick the end of your finger and stick it in someone’s ear.” Ewww. Although. Better than a head in the toilet. Ewwww again.
No, no, no, the finger in the ear is a Wet Willie!