Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: September 2006

  • And when we PARTY, we PARTY-HARDY*

    (*It’s sad so few people know the 80’s funk band L.T.D.) Here’s a glimpse at the level of discourse by three drunk women at Marcia’s condo for an impromptu Girl’s Night Out last night. Marcia: Ash a Jew, I can tell yew that Jews have been blamed for cenchurries for the death of Christ.Ellen: Lissen,…

  • Garyoke!

    Because the music store is going out of business and had a 40% off sale, I picked up two mic stands. Gary and I have not sung the Garyoke in a few months, so we set up the microphones and sang. I had forgotten what Gary is like when he sings. He is Vegas Gary!…

  • People Who Bug Me

    I began work today in a foul, foul mood, and it did not lift. I think I would have been well advised to start the day by deafening myself with the iPod, because every human voice I heard annoyed me. Today’s annoying people fell into three categories: heavy sighers, spastic laughers, and baby talkers. Heavy…

  • Gary Has Me Worried

    Gary Has Me Worried

    More than a little worried about Gary over here. He threw his back out. For that reason he is hobbling around wearing every back brace we have in the house. He has them all cinched up so tight he looks like a woman. And it is totally creeping me out. I commented that he looks…

  • Hmm. A Little Barista Sarcasm

    Hmm. A Little Barista Sarcasm

    Saturday. The first visit to Starbucks: “Hi, may I take – Oh, hi, Gary and Ellen.” Second visit, the drive-through says, not hello, but, “You guys are here AGAIN?” Third visit, they start putting multiple exclamation points on your coffee. You know how multiple exclamation points BUG me. Why? What is next? Extra-capitalization? Super-boldface? However,…

  • Compulsion

    Compulsion. A strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, esp. one that is irrational or contrary to one’s will. I recently watched a fascinating MSNBC Investigative Reports called “The Obsessed” about people who have the compulsion to hoard. Evidently, hoarding is a medication-resistant form of OCD. These are the folks who die alone and…

  • Which Are You?

    Which Are You?

    As I understand our culture, a woman likes to cuddle during, ah, the afterglow. However, I do not. I like to clean. I feel cuddly for about 15 seconds, and then the same thought always strikes me: “I should clean the bathroom.” Sometimes the bathroom is already clean. I lie there cuddling. Then my feet…

  • Divorce

    A friend got divorced this week. Her need for sympathy is far surpassed by her need for irony, so she is going to have a divorce party. I’m thinking I need to make a mix CD for this occasion. Are there any other good songs to divorce by? NO weepy “Breaking Up Is Hard To…