Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: September 2006

  • Bathroom Humor

    Bathroom Humor

    So, earlier this week the last of the three bulbs in the hall bathroom burned out. Gary said, “Hey, all the bulbs are out.” Which meant, hey, change the bulbs. Well, I didn’t, because I have a secret way to illuminate the bathroom. My hall bathroom is equipped with an X-ray illuminator: My brain is…

  • Gary Brings News From His Family

    Gary visited his family while I visited my mom today, and while things were exciting at the Queen Mother’s as she gathered her servants, Gary reported the S_____ family was abuzz with chaos and other such goings-on. In particular, he had two crises to report. Crisis Story #1: Karen, Mr. Wonderful, and their dogs George…

  • Thank You, Mister Know-It-All!

    Sometimes Gary astonishes me with his knowledge. For example, years ago we were waiting for the beginning of the elephant show at the London Zoo. I commented there were no stools on which the elephants could stand on on one leg, and he said, “They won’t make the elephants do that here. This is the…

  • Balloon No-Glow

    Balloon No-Glow

    Well, I’ve been tongue-slapping Gary for not being spontaneous, so when I said Friday night “It’s a beautiful night! Let’s go see the Forest Park Balloon Glow!” I DID NOT REALIZE EVERYONE ELSE IN SAINT LOUIS said the same thing. We started off at 6:30. Balloon Glow goes from 7 to 8:30. The traffic started…

  • In Which We Almost Die

    I was so tired today I came home from work and went immediately to bed on Caroline’s orders. (And BY THE WAY, it is spelled “Caroline” but her mother pronounces it “Carolyn.” How messed up is that? I briefly made her call me Eileen. This is also why we’re pronouncing New Guy Matt’s baby boy…

  • My Two Cent Sales Tax at Work

    I think I might be only person alive who loves paying taxes. I think this partly because I’ve always wanted a personal shopper. The way I see it, I give the Gubment a percentage of my money and they build a firehouse two blocks from my subdivision. I see this as my own personal firehouse.…

  • Forgive Me, O Library, for I Have Sinned

    Gary and I bought another big stack of books at the Publishing Industrial Complex this past Saturday. In addition, I brought home some books I purged from the Queen Mom’s Reading Room. This has unbalanced the book/shelf-space ratio, so now there are books lying on their sides on top of other books. Hideous! Like a…

  • Divorcee Soiree Playlist

    Okay – here’s the final Divorcee Soiree Playlist. I had to cull out songs that were too specific and thus not relevant (i.e. “I caught you cheating, you dog”), songs that were not available on iTunes (with the exception of “Go ahead and Split Mr. Amoeba Man”) and songs that did not rock me. And…

  • Where I Was

    Five years ago I had overslept and I was lying in bed, listening to Gary do his usual morning rant. Well, not listening. What I truly was listening to was NPR. I had heard the tone change, and the morning broadcaster seemed to be breaking form. Some woman on the phone was describing smoke billowing…

  • Cheez-Whiz

    Cheez-Whiz

    The Chemistry project is nearing its final stages. Oddly, cheese seems to have been adopted as the Official Food of the Chemistry Project. I think it began when the clients were discussing hazards that require first responders to shut down the highway system. Seems that a truck overturned in their area and hazmat crews were…